101: It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Transcript

Welcome to The Arkham Files, an actual-play Call of Cthulhu RPG podcast.

Starring:

Seth Morrison as Tallahassee Turner

“I think he's dying… but if he does, are you available?”

Peter Morrison as Dominic Druncard

“It was like I… you know… had a fair amount of spirits.”

Donovan Ballard as Dr. Simeon

“I’m not a psychologist tonight.”

Sam Morrison as Major Frederick Aloisius Bakersfield

“Still really into guns and ammo and… shit.”

Abel Morrison as Officer Billie McConnell

“We can’t do anything drastically illegal ... like blow up his business.”

And I’m your Game Master — the Keeper of Arcane Lore, Alex Morrison.

Now grab your dice… and your sanity.

Let’s roll.

There are dark places in this world. You can find them, if you look. Anywhere the light of civilization or enlightenment shines, it inevitably creates shadows — and in those shadows, evil hides. You can find these dark places if you look. Some travelers stumble into them while roaming the world, whether by accident or design. And when they do, it is usually to their lasting horror. Some of these places are so sinister and mysterious that they have become synonymous with darkness itself: the darkest jungles of Africa, the deep catacombs of Paris, the dark side of the moon, even a dark alley. You can find these places if you look. But what we often don’t realize — until it’s too late — is that darkness can be anywhere. Even the light of one person’s joy or triumph can cast a shadow of anger and resentment in an envious neighbor. The darkest evil might hide behind: the eyes of a friendly accountant, a smiling waitress, a quiet orderly. And sometimes… evil finds you. Sometimes darkness comes home.

3:34: It's a regular Sunday evening in June 1925. It's a nice day. It's been a warm summer. Nice and calm. You guys are off on your street. You're all neighbors that live together on this street where pretty much not much ever really happens. So, Dom and Dr. Simmy, you guys have all met over at Tallahassee Turner's house. You guys are all hanging out on the porch, you invited you over for an evening drink out on this porch of I'm sure some sort of non-alcoholic beverage seeing that it is a prohibition. Major Bakersfield, you're out working in your yard with your wife like you tend to be on a Sunday evening. And over at Tallahassee's house, you guys are out sitting on the porch, just kind of small talk. You have the radio turned up inside of the house so you can listen to the local jazz station.

04:43: "Oh, that's good right there."

04:47: "Yeah, pour me some."

04:51: "Appreciate you guys coming over."

04:54: "A couple drinks here."

04:56: "Water."

04:57: "Of course, my good man. Fresh water."

05:00: "Love me a good—"

05:03: "I'm gonna have to haul that water."

05:08: Major Bakersfield, you're over there mowing your lawn for what seems like the 800th time.

05:20: You look over with a little bit of jealousy as you see your fellow neighbors sitting on the porch enjoying the evening.

05:42: (laughter)

05:45: "I couldn't keep it together, I'm sorry."

05:48: "You're just looking at that delicious water."

05:52: "Water, just quenching your thirst."

05:54: "The water's always clearest on the other side."

05:56: "Oh, that's not the phrase."

05:59: As you guys are hanging out — enjoying the evening, or working in your yard and also enjoying that to a degree — you hear a car coming down the street with a distinctive squeaking sound. Maybe a loose fan belt or something.

06:13: Aloisius, you hear it and it gets on your nerves like always.

06:19: You can't believe that Mr. Corbitt, for being a pretty successful businessman, hasn't gotten that car fixed or bought a new one.

06:31: Suddenly, as you're enjoying the jazz music, it cuts out.

06:36: You hear: "Breaking news, Arkham. The Miskatonic Mangler has struck again."

06:42: "You might want to send the wife and kids out for this one, folks."

06:46: "Just last night the mutilated corpse of a young woman was found near the eastern end of the Miskatonic campus."

06:52: "Reports say the body was missing limbs and vital organs."

06:57: "Police are baffled at what maniacal miscreant could be responsible for such dark and bloody deeds."

07:03: "Will the Mangler ever be caught? Will the law-abiding citizens of Arkham ever be able to rest peacefully again?"

07:08: "Stay tuned for more updates as the news comes in on 950 KTLU — Arkham's only place for jazz."

07:13: The jazz fades back in after that.

07:26: You guys are all shocked by that — but maybe not too shocked. These murders have been going on for several months.

07:51: "What a crime. Shame it is."

07:55: "Let's make it British."

07:58: "From London, Germany."

08:02: "What?"

08:04: "It sounds like a German or something."

08:05: "My people are originally from Germany."

08:27: (laughter)

08:29: "When you're talking with that fake British accent, we all know you're German."

08:37: (laughter)

08:45: As you guys are hanging out and having some delicious waters, Mr. Corbitt pulls into his driveway.

08:51: He gets out of his car and goes back to the trunk and grabs a couple of canvas-wrapped packages.

09:00: One is long and thin — almost like a baseball bat.

09:05: The other is smaller and rounder, maybe about the size of a softball.

09:14: He walks up to his porch and starts fumbling with the lock.

09:19: As he's doing that, he drops one of the packages.

09:24: I want everybody to roll a Spot Hidden for me.

09:37: "I rolled a 49."

09:57: "45."

09:58: "65."

10:00: "I rolled an eight."

10:04: "My Spot Hidden is 75, so I'm under."

10:10: Okay, so who succeeded then?

10:13: Donovan and Seth open.

10:18: Also, those of you who succeeded — check the box next to that skill.

10:31: You notice something drop from the package.

10:42: Dr. Simeon and Tallahassee — while Dom is going back to the pitcher to fill up more water — you two are locked on Mr. Corbitt as he drops the package.

10:55: The wrapping opens slightly.

11:17: And it looks like what you swear is a human hand.

11:22: "I swear that looks like a human hand."

11:25: "That looks like a human hand to me."

11:27: Mr. Corbitt scrambles down, grabs the package, wraps it back up, gets his lock open, and quickly goes inside.

11:35: The door shuts.

11:38: "That's suspicious."

11:41: "This reminds me of the book that I wrote."

11:47: "What, a man carrying packages dropped one and a hand fell out?"

11:48: (laughter)

11:54: "It's called The Battle of Little Big Horn."

12:13: "So what do you guys do?"

12:30: "I want to go into the guy's house and investigate."

12:34: "You still want him to his own house?"

12:36: "We're gonna break in while he's going in there?"

12:42: "I thought we were like — hey Dom — maybe while you're in getting some water you can bake some cookies and we'll take them over."

12:52: "Well let's persuade him to talk to us then."

12:54: "Great persuasion."

13:02: "I'm gonna make some cookies."

13:14: "I'm gonna look in his cookbooks — library use."

13:26: Apparently Dom doesn't know how to bake.

13:30: Dom completely misunderstands the cookbook and ends up making some kind of blackened blobs.

13:49: "I made you some treats."

13:52: "It's delicious."

14:00: Over the next 15–20 minutes, while Dom is inside making cookies, what is everyone else doing?

14:32: "Why don't we just linger in the middle of the street and look through his windows?"

14:52: "How about we knock on his door first?"

15:07: "I would never just peek."

15:15: Major Bakersfield, can you stop mowing your lawn now?

15:19: Roll another Spot Hidden.

15:36: Major Bakersfield fails.

15:44: Roll Psychology or Listen.

15:56: Major Bakersfield succeeds on Psychology.

16:31: Looking over, you notice Tallahassee and Dr. Simeon staring at Mr. Corbitt's house and talking quietly.

16:54: They begin walking toward the house.

17:03: "What do you think you're doing?"

17:05: "We're going to introduce ourselves to Mr. Corbitt."

17:17: "I'm in. I'm coming with."

18:01: Meanwhile, Dom is still making cookies.

18:23: He brings out a tray of gooey dough that hasn't actually baked yet.

18:47: There's a carrot hanging out of one.

18:59: "Oh, these are cookies."

19:03: "They're crumpets."

19:26: "It is the national game of England."

19:30: (laughter)

19:35: You arrive at Mr. Corbitt's house.

19:46: It's a nice two-story white house with a few steps leading up to a small porch.

20:01: There's a decorative lattice awning above the front door.

20:03: You knock.

20:12: You hear footsteps inside.

20:21: The door opens slightly.

20:24: Bernard Corbitt peers out at you.

20:27: He's about in his 40s, looks like. 20:32: You know, he's a pleasant-looking guy. He's a little small. 20:36: He has dark brown hair that's always kind of combed very tight to his head. 20:42: It's slicked back a little bit. 20:46: He looks out at all of you and says, "Ah..."

21:12: "I want to work those types of skills like Charm or Persuade, or any of these. Basically, you tell me how you're going to charm him, or you talk to him in the way that you basically want to get your point across — like persuade him — and then we'll roll from there." 21:32: "Okay." 21:33: "So basically, how are you charming him?" 21:35: "He's very attractive." 21:37: "Are you saying that in your voice?" 21:40: "Is that in character?" 21:42: "Oh. Well, thank you."

21:47: "You're attractive, and you're attractive, and you're attractive..." 21:59: "Well, sure, that sounds nice."

22:09: "I would love to." 22:11: As he says that, he steps out and closes the door. 22:15: "Are you all at Tallahassee's house? Is that where we're going?" 22:18: "Well, we're already over here." 22:21: "Why don't we just go inside your house? I mean, we got the water, we got the... whatever those are..." 22:27: "Why don't we just go sit down in your house, you know, your living room or something?" 22:33: "Okay. Let's see, that sounds like a Persuade to me. Major Bakersfield, why don't you roll me a Persuade?"

22:39: "Okay." 22:42: "Wait..." 22:44: "10%? Oh, wait — my Persuade is 10%." 22:46: [laughter] 22:47: "You ready for this?" 22:48: "We do that." 22:49: "Okay." 22:50: "We do it." 22:51: "Yeah." 22:52: "We've got a 12." 22:54: "So close." 22:55: "That is close." 22:57: "You can spend two luck." 22:58: "Well, let's do it." 23:01: "Can I—" 23:02: "I'm going to spend two luck and succeed." 23:03: "Okay, mark that down." 23:05: "Okay, and remember: when you spend your luck, that luck is permanently gone."

23:10: "Okay, so Mr. Corbitt looks at you and says, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were inviting me over.'" 23:18: "Well, yes — sure. I have some delightful non-alcoholic water. I just put some in the fridge." 23:30: "Sure. Why don't you come inside and bring those cookies?" 23:38: "Crumpets?" 23:39: "Crumpets, yes. I thought they were interesting." 23:43: "Oh, yes. I just — well — might... yeah, why don't you all come right in?"

23:51: So Mr. Corbitt opens the door and walks into the house, leaves the door open, and waves you guys to come in. 23:58: You see immediately it's just a little bit of an open entry room. 24:02: On the left, there's a little closet that is closed. 24:07: You see some stairs going up directly ahead of you. 24:11: It opens up to your left into a front living room. 24:15: The hallway goes back toward what looks like a dining room on your left, down at the end of the hallway. 24:24: There's also another door to your right that is currently closed. 24:31: He starts walking back toward the dining room area and waves you guys along, saying, "Oh, just this way. My kitchen's back here. That's where the water is." 24:46: "So do you guys follow him back?" 24:49: "Indeed." 24:50: "Yeah."

24:51: Okay, so you guys start walking back. 24:54: The dining room is fairly small. 24:56: The front room, as you pass it — one thing you notice about this house is it's pretty immaculate. 25:03: It doesn't really look like he does much entertaining here. 25:12: The front room has a couch and a coffee table. There's actually a lot of these glass curio cabinets with lots of little knickknacks and things.

25:20: "Let's see — who's been in the neighborhood the longest? How long have you guys lived here?" 25:24: "I've just been here a couple months." 25:27: "A month." 25:29: "That's right." 25:35: "This is just something you can decide." 25:41: "How long have you been in the neighborhood?" 25:45: [laughter] 25:48: "No, so basically, you can decide. It's up to you." 25:57: "Well, I'm Tallahassee, so I've been here about ten years." 26:00: "I've been here about ten years and two days." 26:03: [laughter] 26:07: "So yeah, I think you're the longest."

26:08: "Okay, so those of you that have been here for a little while are acquainted with Mr. Corbitt, as you are with most of your neighbors." 26:15: "Nobody really knows him super well. He's fairly quiet. He keeps to himself a lot." 26:21: "He's very friendly, though, if maybe a little quiet and not the most social guy." 26:26: "He actually has a very nice garden in the back of his house and a greenhouse, where he grows a lot of fruits and vegetables." 26:33: "He usually gives them out to people in the neighborhood." 26:40: "In fact, right now, Tallahassee and Dr. Simmy, you probably have a basket of his fruit and vegetables that he gave to the neighbors."

26:54: "In the front room, you see in these curio cabinets he's got all these little knickknacks and baubles and interesting little things, which he's probably gotten through his company, which he runs — an importing company." 27:09: "So he's got kind of a lot of strange exotic little things all over the place, and a bookshelf with quite a few books on it."

27:16: "I'd like to ask him about his awesome models collection." 27:23: "Is that what you'd like to ask?" 27:24: "Yeah — really exotic." 27:30: "Yeah, well, I'm a famous explorer, so, you know, we collect this stuff. Where did you find these things?"

27:37: He looks back a little bit as you start talking to him and says, "Oh, oh — these things. These are just little things I've picked up in my travels." 27:50: "I've gone around a few places overseas looking for new products to import through our company, and just some interesting things I've picked up along the way." 28:02: "Some little idols from India."

28:08: "Can I ask him where his most recent travels have been?" 28:13: "Most recently, I traveled down to some islands in the South Pacific, looking to open up a new tea trade down there." 28:22: "Very, very interesting. They grow some great tea plants down in that area." 28:28: "Also, to add to our inventory, I've been to Darjeeling in India to import tea from there." 28:38: "It was quite lovely. I did quite enjoy it."

28:42: "I'd like to look a little more closely at his cabinets — any of the items in there look a little suspicious, maybe cultish?" 28:53: "Why don't you roll me an Occult roll?" 28:57: "Roll." 28:58: "I'm trying to start picking at this paint that's kind of shaking." 29:02: [laughter] 29:04: "Hey, Mikey!" 29:06: "Alright, so my Occult is 60, so..." 29:11: "Okay." 29:12: "39." 29:13: "Nice."

29:16: Yeah, looking at some of the items, you see there's a dagger that is kind of ornamental, with the hilt carved into the shape of a woman with snakes wrapped around her. 29:33: "This is actually a ceremonial sacrificial dagger used in the Thuggee cult from India." 29:42: "There's also a couple little idols that you notice are some kind of minor deities in various Asian religions and pantheons, and maybe a couple from Africa." 29:55: "Has the dagger been used?" 29:57: "Well, if it's been cleaned, how would you know?"

30:02: "I think it was clean." 30:05: "Well, it doesn't look dirty." 30:08: It looks — the blade is clean. 30:13: It looks old, but no, it doesn't look like it's been used recently.

30:18: "This is an interesting blade, Mr. Corbitt. It reminds me of my adventures in the African jungle when we found a spear of local chiefs." 30:31: "You may have read it in my famous book, The African Journey Home by Tallahassee Turner." 30:43: "Famous author, explorer."

30:47: "Right, yes. I remember that." 30:50: "I actually don't read much adventure — too exciting." 30:59: "I more stick to scholarly works. Botany journals and such." 31:09: "But yes, this is an interesting find." 31:14: "I acquired this last time I went to India."

31:18: "Can I ask if you've brought anybody with you to India?" 31:22: "Just talk in your character voice and ask him." 31:25: "Yeah, he's a real person." 31:32: "Have you brought anybody with you to India?" 31:37: "No, not recently. I did a long time ago. I went with my father when he was in charge of the business, back before he died." 31:46: "But no, no. Since then — and also since my wife passed many years ago — I mostly just [take] business trips." 31:59: "Typically I go by myself. Sometimes I bring along one of my managers to help with the workload."

32:04: "You ever bring anybody back with you?" 32:07: "No, I haven't." 32:11: "You mean like as a friend, or as a business associate?" 32:17: "Does anybody give you a hand?" 32:18: [groans] 32:20: [laughter] 32:33: "Oh, of course. They're quite helpful over there." 32:38: [laughter]

32:40: "So tell me a little bit more about this knife here. It's super interesting. How did you come to acquire it?" 32:49: "Oh, yes. It's an interesting piece." 32:52: "Yes, they tell me it's a sacrificial dagger from the Thuggee cult in India." 33:01: "Supposedly, the practitioners — the priests — could reach their bare hands directly inside the chests of the sacrificial victim and pull out their still-beating hearts before they cast them into the fire." 33:16: "It's interesting, but then this dagger was something they used to finish them off." 33:25: "At least that's what they told me." 33:27: "I managed to acquire it through one of my deals. We were looking for some new Oriental rugs and textiles, and I managed to talk them into throwing it in with the deal." 33:41: "I doubt it's real, but I did enjoy the piece and found it interesting."

33:50: "That is interesting. Can you tell me a little bit more about these sacrifices? Were they children, men, women? Both?" 34:00: "Both. Oh, just all sorts, I think. It didn't matter really to this cult." 34:08: "They were rather brutal. I believe some of them even still operate, but supposedly — you know — this is all hearsay."

34:15: "Yeah, it's just curious, you know, because in my travels I've met some monks that performed animal sacrifices..." 34:35: "That's why I'm, like, super interested in the sacrifice culture." 34:42: "Yeah, so I understand, being an explorer such as yourself."

34:46: "Would you mind if I'd very much like to take a tour of your house, if that's okay with you, Mr. Corbitt?" 34:51: "Yeah, why don't you show us around?" 34:58: "Well, it's not quite really ready for— I mean, it's..." 35:00: "Well, it's quite beautiful. I would like to see — what harm is there to—" 35:03: "Yes, oh, thank you. It's just such a mess." 35:08: "I'm very interested in this — yes — these various sculptures you have. I'd like to see what else you have." 35:12: "Well, I keep all of my collection down here in my living room here." 35:19: "The rest of the house is not that interesting." 35:22: "I mean, if you come back to the kitchen, that is where the non-alcoholic water is." 35:26: "I do love non-alcoholic water." 35:28: "Yeah, I'm a little bit parched."

35:29: "So tell me, does anybody live here with you?" 35:32: "No. I'm on my own since my wife passed. It's just been me."

35:40: As he starts leading you guys back toward the kitchen again, you see the dining room on the left. 35:44: There's a small dining table. 35:47: There's just one place setting, and again it looks very well put together. 35:53: As he turns the corner into the kitchen, everything is immaculately clean.

35:57: "Mr. Corbitt?" 36:01: "Yes?" 36:01: "Wonder if I might use your loo." 36:03: "I'm sorry, I believe we've seen each other in passing — what was your name again?" 36:10: "Dom." 36:12: "Druncard." 36:13: "Oh, Druncard." 36:15: "Pleasure." 36:19: "Oh, are you friends of theirs?" 36:21: "No, it's more of a vacation rental kind of deal." 36:24: "Oh, I guess that makes more sense. I didn't hear of them moving out. I heard they were traveling, but I never saw anybody else move in. I didn't see a moving van or anything." 36:36: "Yeah, I come and stay here and there every so often." 36:42: "And where are you from, Mr. Druncard?" 36:45: "I'm from London originally, but I've done a fair amount of traveling, like Mr. Tallahassee." 36:52: "Very nice." 36:57: "Oh yes, sorry — the bathroom. If you go back toward the front of the house, that first door you saw when you came in on the right opens into a guest room, and then just to your left there's a bathroom right there." 37:10: "Thank you."

37:18: "You know, in Indian culture — I mean Native Americans, where I was born and raised pretty much..." 37:25: "Well, actually my parents were originally murdered by Native Americans and raised me around—" 37:32: "That's — so anyway, that's beside the point..." 37:39: "So what they would do is they would actually squat, and that narrows the passageway from your—" 37:47: "I feel like I can talk too much." 37:49: "Oh my — Dom, if you can squat over the toilet instead of sit, I think that'll help you with the fiber issue." 38:00: "Well, as a psychologist, I appreciate the honestly very visual description." 38:03: "Well, it's in my autobiography, you know." 38:08: "I've seen the pictures, yes." 38:11: "I think we already got a drinking game ready for every time Dr. Simmy says, 'as a psychologist.'" 38:17: [laughter] 38:23: "We will get drunk on lots of non-alcoholic water in this game." 38:27: "Well, Mr. Druncard, feel free to open a window." 38:32: [laughter]

38:37: Okay, so I walk back toward the front of the house. 38:43: "Oh yeah, I sat down the crumpets first." 38:46: "Enjoy these." 38:48: [laughter]

38:52: Dom Druncard sets the pan of crumpets down in the middle of the floor and turns around back toward the front of the house. 39:11: Mr. Corbitt looks a little puzzled, picks them up, and starts walking them back to the kitchen. 39:17: He sets them on the counter. 39:19: The kitchen again is very clean. It's not super big. 39:22: It looks like there's a door leading to a pantry as you walk into the kitchen on the right. 39:29: So as you guys walk back, it's the back right end of the house — the back right corner, if you were looking at the house from outside.

39:39: "What are the orange drawings that I'm looking at?" 39:42: "Oh, just doodles." 39:46: "Is this supposed to be the house itself?" 39:49: "I didn't do any orange drawings." 39:51: "Mine are all black." 39:56: "There's a whole bunch of orange stuff too." 40:00: "No, that wasn't me." 40:01: [laughter] 40:04: "I was like, this map of the house does not look like what I'm describing." 40:10: "I've been wondering this whole time what the yellow ones were." 40:14: "Yeah, no. No, I didn't." 40:20: "It's just you two." 40:24: "It doesn't have anything to do with what I drew — I mean, didn't draw." 40:38: [laughter] 40:52: "All right, so."

40:53: Dom is using the bathroom. 40:59: You guys walk back into the kitchen. 41:00: "No, there's no current map for you guys to see. I'm just describing it to you." 41:07: "The map is in your mind. It's called the imagination." 41:14: "Paint you a picture with the lights."

41:17: So you guys walk back into the kitchen. 41:19: He sets the crumpets down on the counter. 41:24: He says, "Well, here are Dom's confections for whoever wants one of these. Who would like some water?" 41:37: "I'll take some. I didn't get any earlier." 41:40: "Yeah, we've been quite parched." 41:43: "We drank quite a bit." 41:45: Major Bakersfield is just a-jonesin' for some water. He has been the whole time — just looking over there, licking his lips. 41:54: "I can now see why he might have to use a loo, just like my good buddy Dom."

41:59: As he starts grabbing some glasses out of the cupboard, he pulls a pitcher out of the fridge.

42:07: Dom, you walk around to the guest room. Is this where you're going? 42:12: "Yeah. Along the way, I'm looking for any kind of closet, sir. Anything I can snoop around in." 42:21: "Okay." 42:23: "Well, where are you exactly looking here?" 42:25: "So when we walked in, you said there was a door. Is that the door to the guest room?" 42:30: "It was a pantry." 42:31: "When you first walked in, there was a door right to your left, which looked like it was probably some kind of closet." 42:37: "And then there was that door right to your right at the bottom of the stairs, which is the guest room he was talking about." 42:45: "Okay, I want to look in the closet."

42:47: Okay, so you go over, you open the closet and... 42:53: [dramatic music] 42:57: It's a closet. 42:58: There's some coats hanging up in there, a couple of winter coats, scarves, hats. 43:04: There's some hats on top on a shelf. 43:08: "Do you want to look around in the closet?" 43:11: "All right, roll me a Spot Hidden." 43:17: "72." 43:19: "72? Yeah, it's super closet-y." 43:24: "Okay, yeah, so it is. There's coats in it and hats." 43:32: "Do the hats look like they might fit me?" 43:35: "Make me a Luck roll." 43:39: "My Luck is 60." 43:41: "11." 43:43: "Oh, they fit you so good." 43:43: [laughter] 43:49: "Sweet, Dom, those hats, Dom." 43:51: "Sweet." 43:52: "I put on the hat." 43:54: "Yeah, that was an extreme success." 43:58: "So it fits you like a glove." 44:00: "Like you've never felt a hat fit so, so good before." 44:04: "Probably smells good, too." 44:05: "Like it don't murder, and it's leather — the highest quality of hat materials." 44:13: "So are you gonna steal it from him? What are you gonna do with this hat?" 44:17: "Come on, I'm gonna ask him if I can have it. I'm gonna give it back." 44:21: "Okay, you're still in question. Yeah, he's gonna know you snooped." 44:26: "So are you gonna steal it, or are you gonna put it back?" 44:33: "So right now, Regis, we're just investigating the guy, right? We're just asking him questions." 44:38: "Yeah." 44:42: "I swear, I forgot to mention — not that it's, like, a big thing — in the front room..." 44:49: "I said there was, like, a couch and a coffee table, right?" 44:53: "There's a fireplace against the west wall with a mantel." 44:56: "And there's a little side table next to that where he has his telephone."

45:01: "But all right, Dom, are you going to the guest room? Are you going to use the bathroom, or were you just walking back?" 45:09: "Yeah, I'm gonna go into the guest room, you know, look around in there a little bit." 45:18: "Okay, so you open the guest room." 45:18: It's a guest room. There's a bed that is currently made, very tidy. 45:29: There's a dresser up against the wall to your right. 45:33: The door opens into the guest room and hits another door, which should be the bathroom from Mr. Corbitt's description. 45:39: The guest room does not look like it has been used any time recently. 45:44: It's clean — not dusty — but it just doesn't really look like anyone's been in here for a while. 45:49: The guest room goes back. There's a little nook to your left past the bathroom, which looks like maybe that's where the closet is.

46:02: "Okay, I'm gonna go open and look in the closet." 46:05: "Okay, you open up the closet, and it's just an empty closet." 46:08: There's a rod there for hanging clothes, but it's currently empty. 46:14: "Okay." 46:16: "So when I go into the bathroom, is there a window that would open up onto the porch?" 46:23: "No. The bathroom completely faces all of the interior of the house." 46:28: "The front of the guest room opens up to the front of the house." 46:31: "So, like, when you walked in, the front of the house would be to your right, and the bath was on the left." 46:39: "Okay, so can I open a window and put the hat on the porch?" 46:46: "The porch is just small — it only kind of covers the entryway of the house — but you could open the front window of the guest room and maybe throw the hat out in front of the house, like in the grass." 46:59: "Okay, I'm gonna do that. So, I mean, I'll borrow it later." 47:02: "Okay, so you throw the hat onto the front lawn." 47:05: "Okay, I'm gonna go flush the toilet and then come back." 47:12: "Okay."

47:14: Dom, you come back around to the kitchen just as you hear Mr. Corbitt say— 47:21: "And then I was like, 'That's not a rug!'" 47:24: [laughter] 47:34: "Anyways, here's your water." 47:37: "Oh, Mr. Druncard, here are your crumpets if you would like one." 47:44: "Mr. Bakersfield was very damaged by a crumpet." 47:47: "I ate one crumpet." 47:48: "Do you remember the open window?" 47:50: "Okay, it is disgusting." 47:52: [laughter] 47:58: "Yeah, no, I have to use the loo." 48:00: "Make a Constitution roll for me." 48:04: "Constitution's 55." 48:08: "43." 48:10: "You keep it down. Yes."

48:17: "Okay, you guys are all in the kitchen. What do you want to do?" 48:20: "Uh, drink water." 48:22: "So yeah, Mr. Corbitt, I noticed you carrying some packages in and dropping one. I just wanted to double-check if you need any help, or if unfortunately something may have broken." 48:32: "No, they're fine. Just some things I gather for my personal interests and my hobbies." 48:40: "Awesome." 48:41: "I think maybe there was something in the water that we were drinking over at my house because I gotta take a crap too. So if you all would excuse me, I'm going to do your bathroom." 48:52: "Okay. It's where I told you." 48:56: "Excellent. Thank you."

48:57: "I'm going to go investigate the closet — or I mean, not that I knew that the other guy investigated the closet." 49:09: "Well, I'm assuming you're going back to the front of the house, so I'm guessing you're just going to start also investigating everything you saw?" 49:17: "Exactly."

49:19: "Major Bakersfield, why don't you try one of these amazing crumpets?"

49:23: So you open up the closet. 49:29: It's a closet. 49:30: There are coats — a winter coat, a trench coat. 49:36: "So I wanted to do this by hand." 49:38: "Okay, roll me Spot Hidden." 49:41: "My Spot Hidden is 75." 49:44: "And I rolled a 48." 49:47: "That is a success." 49:50: "Okay, so looking around and doing a really thorough investigation of the closet, it is very much a closet." 49:57: There are coats. 50:00: There are some hats on the shelf. 50:03: "Some nice hats." 50:11: "I'm gonna try a hat on."

50:24: "Make me a Luck roll." 50:27: "Same thing?" 50:28: "Yeah." 50:29: "My Luck is 75." 50:33: "65." 50:34: "I feel all right." 50:36: "All right, cool. I'm gonna go throw them out the window." 50:39: [laughter] 50:45: "Oh, that was just really strange." 50:47: [laughter]

50:52: "Are you also going to the guest room to throw them out the window?" 50:55: "Yes." 50:58: "Or are you just going to throw them out the front door?" 51:01: "Um, yeah, out the window. You'll find them." 51:03: "Okay."

51:05: So Major Bakersfield walks into the guest room with a fine hat and a nice pea coat. 51:21: You open up the window and go to throw the hat and coat out onto the lawn, and you look down and see a hat. 51:27: [laughter] 51:36: "Oh man, I'm going to soak that doggone it." 51:39: For just a second, you look down to the hat in your hand, then you look out at the hat on the lawn, and then back at the hat in your hand, then back out at the hat on the lawn. 51:46: "Maybe I should just put him back?" 51:54: "Man, what's wrong with that, anyway? Close the window. This is so stupid."

52:00: Okay, man, there is now — from all of the baking cookies and stuff — a nice pea coat and two hats out on the front lawn.

52:21: "Well, there was another closet with nothing in it. I want to see if there's a hidden trapdoor in the guest room." 52:24: "Yep, yeah, okay, so I'll make a Spot Hidden." 52:25: "That's my Spot Hidden, 75?" 52:28: "Yeah." 52:29: "18." 52:30: "Nice." 52:33: "It is an empty closet. There is no trapdoor." 52:37: "Whew."

52:39: "Okay, but well, can I go, like, look in the front room and in the fireplace and such without crossing vision distance?" 52:52: "Well, they're all kind of in the kitchen. It's possible. Why don't you make me a Stealth roll?" 53:01: "I'm pretty loud." 53:07: "20 on my Stealth."

53:08: "I use another crumpet." 53:10: "I'm just gonna..." 53:11: [laughter] 53:16: "Maybe it's just because you know what you're expecting, but maybe this one's actually not as bad. I mean, it's still horrible, but it's not as bad."

53:25: "So I'll just flush the toilet and head back to where it bounces at." 53:32: "Okay, all right, so you head back around." 53:33: "Lies, wait, I wanna sneak upstairs." 53:37: "No, I have bad Stealth." 53:38: "I'm going back to the kitchen." 53:40: [laughter]

53:43: Yeah, you walk around back to the kitchen. 53:45: As you walk back, you hear Mr. Corbitt say, "A tea maker? But I hardly know her." 53:51: [laughter] 53:55: "Oh, it's a funny day." 53:57: "Well, I don't like this guy." 54:01: "Mr. Corbitt, you are a pretty good time."

54:07: He looks around and says, "Oh, well, this has been quite delightful." 54:12: "But I've had a bit of a long day, and I was going to just rest for the evening." 54:20: "If we maybe could call it a night." 54:23: "I know it's the middle of the day, but sure thing." 54:29: "Well, we probably have a chance — it's actually like 5:30, close enough to six probably about right now." 54:32: "So I usually wear hats that block the sun, so we always have this problem." 54:40: [cross-talk]

54:47: So he starts guiding you guys back to the front of the house, heading back out toward the porch. 54:54: "Well, thank you all for coming by." 54:58: "This was quite nice." 55:00: "I know I don't socialize a lot with everybody, but this is quite enjoyable." 55:07: "Thank you for stopping by. And thank you for the crumpets." 55:12: "You're quite welcome."

55:15: So he goes over and opens the door, kind of stands there expectantly. 55:19: "I go out first and go toward the side of the house." 55:25: "I noticed Dom headed over there, so I pick up the pace and also start heading that way." 55:32: "And I say, 'Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but it seems like there's a big large chunk of paint chipping off one of your walls. But, you know, if you need help repainting that, that's the Major — you're not having any pressure to help out. I've got to go finish—'" 55:54: "Oh, I didn't quite notice that."

56:01: As you guys are walking out, you also hear someone coming toward you. 56:04: "Mr. Corbitt! Mr. Corbitt! Mr. Corbitt!" 56:09: Kind of hustling across the lawn, it's the next-door neighbor — an older gentleman, Tom Barber from next door. 56:19: He's an older guy in his 60s, kind of a bit of a nosy neighbor. 56:26: "Oh yes, Mr. Barber, what can I do for you?" 56:32: "Oh yeah, I don't know if you noticed, but I saw some articles of clothing flying out the front of your house over here. I just thought you'd like to know." 56:51: [laughter]

56:57: Mr. Corbitt looks at him really strangely and kind of steps out onto the porch. 57:06: He looks to his right, where the front room is. 57:17: "Maybe they fell out of your car when you were bringing your packages in." 57:22: "No, no, they're over on the other side." 57:27: He turns to his left and sees, on the lawn in front of his guest room window, two hats and a nice pea coat. 57:36: [laughter] 57:41: "Oh. Well, this is odd." 57:47: "I don't know how these got out here." 57:54: He kind of looks over at Dom and Tallahassee a bit strangely. 58:00: "I see. I see." 58:04: He starts walking over to pick up his outerwear.

58:13: "I guess I'll put these... I guess maybe they fell out the window from my front closet." 58:28: "Well, you know, I mean, I don't know if you've read my book about ghosts and suit traps, but, you know, sometimes I have a way of clothing themselves and making their way across the country..." 58:42: "First stolen from my book — they steal pea coats and hats." 58:49: "Yes, I am sure that must be it, Mr. Turner. Suit ghosts."

58:56: "Now, if you all don't mind..." 58:58: He goes inside and shuts the door behind him. 59:02: Maybe a little bit harder than you might have expected. 59:06: "Crap, I forgot my cookie tray."

59:09: "Oh, you have it." 59:09: He handed it back to Dom. 59:12: "Oh." 59:13: "I was intentionally trying to leave that in there." 59:15: "Yes, if I can." 59:16: "Crump it." 59:16: [laughter] 59:20: "Yeah, he picked it up. He handed it back to Dom before you guys walked out."

59:31: "So there are exactly—" 59:31: "Exactly two missing from the tray, both eaten by Dom." 59:37: "The one with the carrot is still sitting there."

59:42: "All right, what do you guys want to do?" 59:46: "Come back under cover of nightfall." 59:49: "Okay. Also, Dom, as of right now..." 59:57: "Tallahassee and Dr. Simmy have not really communicated to you guys what's going on."

01:00:01: "So, well, I was—" 01:00:03: "Why were you guys heading over there anyway?" 01:00:06: "Why did we come over here? Why would not get a hand?" 01:00:08: "I was making the cookies so that I could be part of the scheme." 01:00:11: "Yeah, that's true." 01:00:12: "Yes, well, we were drinking non-alcoholic water. We saw a package drop from his car." 01:00:19: "Also, I'm from his car."

01:00:20: "Are you guys still standing on his front porch?" 01:00:22: "I'm sorry, I headed back over to my house." 01:00:28: "Yeah, whispering. You guys see the little curtain on his front window kind of pop up."

01:00:36: "On the way." 01:00:38: "When you say all of us, I mean all of us?" 01:00:43: "Well, see, the thing is I really only have three cups." 01:00:47: [laughter] 01:00:48: "Okay, okay, okay, okay." 01:00:49: "I can bring my own cup." 01:00:50: [laughter] 01:00:52: "I can fill my own cup." 01:00:52: "I can bring my own water too." 01:00:57: "No, we'd prefer you don't come over." 01:01:00: "Tell you what, if you mow my lawn, you can come hang out." 01:01:04: [laughter] 01:01:06: "Thank you." 01:01:07: "Yeah, let's all head back to my house. I'd like to clue it up to you on what we saw." 01:01:12: "We're walking across the street."

01:01:14: "Okay, so you guys head back over to Tallahassee's house." 01:01:17: Major Bakersfield runs over to his house, calls out to his wife as he gets himself a glass of water to bring over to Tallahassee's house. 01:01:22: "Honey! Honey! Give me the nice glass! Water! Quickly now!" 01:01:33: "All right, honey, the nice glass. Are we having company? Is your mother coming over?" 01:01:42: "Give me the water!" 01:01:46: She gets out the nice glass. 01:01:49: [laughter] 01:01:54: You're the one from its place of honor in the cupboard. She fills it up with just some ice-cold water from the tap. 01:02:00: There are a couple of ice cubes in there from the icebox. 01:02:04: She hands it over to you. 01:02:06: It is just chilled, with frosty condensation accumulating on the outside. 01:02:11: "Thanks. I'm sorry to be so rushed, but it's finally happening." 01:02:17: "Oh, that's no problem. I'm so excited for you." 01:02:20: [laughter] 01:02:24: "My turn. Hurry, before they go—" 01:02:25: "My dear, hurry, before they go. Our walk is but over here." 01:02:27: "Yeah, I'm coming." 01:02:28: "I'm coming." 01:02:29: "Hurry before they change their minds." 01:02:31: [laughter] 01:02:33: "I'm actually not that thirsty, aren't we?"

01:02:36: "Okay, so you guys all congregate back over at Tallahassee Turner's house." 01:02:40: "You walk in. Major Bakersfield joins you in a minute with his just frosty glass of water." 01:02:49: "You guys look over and this is a nice glass he's rolling in." 01:02:56: "And you kind of — maybe you guys are wrong about him. You know, this is more of like a casual setting." 01:03:04: "Oh, this old thing? I use country goblets every day." 01:03:10: "I was gonna give you a couple. I actually like the glass." 01:03:14: "Very nice." 01:03:16: "Well, I've got plenty more. I mean, I could, you know, bring them next time that we all get together." 01:03:20: "Maybe. Maybe we'll see."

01:03:23: "Well, I have one of Dom's cupcakes — trumpets — crumpets." 01:03:29: "Uh..." 01:03:33: "Yes." 01:03:36: "All right, why don't we roll him for a Constitution roll?" 01:03:40: "50." 01:03:43: "19." 01:03:43: "Okay, yeah. I mean, it's pretty bad, but you've had the two-shot, so..."

01:04:05: "So what happened is, he dropped one of his packages. It looked like there was a hand in it. Can you believe that?" 01:04:12: "That's it?" 01:04:13: "Yeah." 01:04:14: "Yeah, so we were thinking that, you know, just timing-wise, with the radio talking about that woman being tortured out and just never showing up..." 01:04:24: "You know..." 01:04:25: "He'd be the murderer. It's possible." 01:04:32: "You know, I mentioned in my travels in my excellent books, there's been many murderers that you wouldn't think are murderers." 01:04:43: "It's the quiet guy. That's it."

01:04:47: "So..." 01:04:50: "Well, uh, Dr. — what's your last name again, Dr.?" 01:04:56: "Can't-stand-you-this." 01:04:57: "Can't-stand-you-this? Jamaica?" 01:04:58: "Yeah. Oops." 01:04:59: "You live right next to him." 01:05:02: "Why don't you, uh..." 01:05:04: "Looks like I do." 01:05:04: "You do some recon tonight, you know. You don't have to leave your house or nothing, but I think I would like to talk to him one-on-one." 01:05:18: "Well, you know, a good mission always starts with good intel, and good intel comes from good recon. You know, you could just go back to your house and be by yourself." 01:05:26: "Hey, hey, you know, I was in the war, you know — the Great One." 01:05:33: "And not the pretty good one." 01:05:38: [laughter] 01:05:43: "Not the mediocre one. Yes, yes, I understand." 01:05:46: "He never quite made it." 01:05:47: "I can do some recon tonight. That won't be a problem." 01:05:51: "I'd have to ask my wife, Mary Beth Beth."

01:05:57: "So what do you guys want to do?" 01:05:59: "We wait for nightfall." 01:06:00: "I'm gonna go peek in the windows. Or doctor, are you gonna spy from your house?" 01:06:11: "Well, it looks—" 01:06:17: "Hey, well, if you're — I brought some more nifty devices back from the war, you know, the Great One — these two-way radio devices—" 01:06:27: "Those actually do not reach of us, you know. Those did not—" 01:06:32: "Okay, so you so I—" 01:06:50: "I've got friends." 01:06:52: "All right, scratch that. I don't have two-way radios. I just have plastic cups with string." 01:07:02: [laughter] 01:07:04: "Oh, that's really nice."

01:07:08: "Okay, yeah, what are you guys doing?" 01:07:10: "Okay, yeah, continue." 01:07:11: [laughter]

01:07:13: "I think we should come back after nightfall." 01:07:18: "Spied on the little man." 01:07:22: "I hope I like the exact same thing I just said earlier when we were on the porch. If you were a better listener, you would know that." 01:07:30: "So I was distracted by the fact that he caught you stealing his clothing." 01:07:35: "I was pretty sure that was you." 01:07:38: "When I went to the front, I looked out that beautiful picturesque window and there were no clothes on the lawn." 01:07:46: "They were there when I got there. I was the only person who went to the loo when you threw them there." 01:07:52: "There they were."

01:07:57: "All right, so we're gonna wait till nightfall, and then we're gonna go and, like, file on the windows." 01:08:05: [Music]

01:08:20: "Thanks for listening to this episode of The Arkham Files." 01:08:22: "If you like what you hear, show us your support by checking us out on Patreon..." 01:08:27: "...and leaving us a 5-star review..." 01:08:30: "Thanks again!" 01:08:56: "No psychologists were injured in the recording of this episode."