103: Usual Suspects

Synopsis

The episode opens with Alex explaining a recording mishap: for the next two episodes, his original audio track was lost and had to be salvaged from the room microphones, so his voice may sound rougher than usual. He also announces that a new player, Abel Morrison, is joining the table as Officer Billy McConnell.

The actual episode begins in medias res with the investigators already seated in a police interrogation room. Detective Frank Kovach and his partner Burke are trying to figure out why a doctor, a military veteran, and a famous adventurer were all hauled in during the middle of the night over an incident at Bernard Corbitt’s house. Tallahassee immediately insists that they were not in Corbitt’s house, only in his yard, and blurts out that he found a strange bone and that Major Bakersfield broke his camera.

From there, the story flashes back to the previous night. The investigators are in Dr. Simeon’s backyard, examining the long yellow bone they dug up from Corbitt’s garden. It appears to be some kind of human long bone, maybe a femur, but it is disturbingly wrong: it has barbs, strange protrusions, and irregular joints. Before they can decide exactly what to do with it, police lights appear on the street. This produces one of the episode’s running jokes when the players realize the GM said they “heard the lights coming down the street,” leading to a brief riff about how loud 1925 lights must have been.

They hastily hide the bone in the bushes and split up. Tallahassee Turner runs out to intercept the police and spins up a storm of fast talk, introducing himself as a famous author and neighborhood watchman while trying to keep the officers distracted. At the same time, Major Bakersfield and Dr. Simeon climb back into Corbitt’s yard and make for the back door. Finding it locked, Bakersfield simply kicks it in. The plan lasts about three seconds. As they rush inside, they spot Corbitt in the living room — and then a responding officer comes through the front door with his gun drawn and catches them at the staircase.

Bakersfield and Simeon protest that they heard a scream upstairs and beg the officer to check the upper floor. Corbitt, calm and respectable as ever, insists he was alone in the house, that these men were digging around in his yard and breaking in, and even suggests they may be part of some sort of cult. The police side with the homeowner, march Bakersfield and Simeon outside at gunpoint, and begin sorting everyone into patrol cars. Billy McConnell, the new character, is already involved here as one of the officers helping secure the scene. Tallahassee, meanwhile, is still trying to talk his way out of trouble while also heavily implying that he may already have had an unfortunate bowel incident from all the stress.

After a long and deeply uncomfortable wait in the police car — worsened by repeated jokes about Tallahassee having pooped his pants — the investigators are taken to the station. There the interrogation resumes. The group sticks to the same core story: they heard a scream, they thought someone inside Corbitt’s house was in danger, and they had earlier seen Corbitt carrying a suspicious canvas-wrapped package that they believed contained a human hand. The detectives are unimpressed. They reveal that the police searched Corbitt’s house and found no one else there, and that the “human hand” in the package turned out, according to Corbitt, to be a branch he was storing in his refrigerator for fertilizer experiments involving mold and moss. Even worse for the investigators, Kovach says Corbitt has solid alibis for several murders around town and cannot possibly be the Miskatonic Mangler.

The investigators continue to insist that something is wrong with Corbitt, and Bakersfield gives the most coherent version of events they have: earlier that day Corbitt arrived home carrying the suspicious package; later that night they snooped in his yard and found what looked like a human bone; then their acquaintance Dom Druncard went into the house and never came back out. The more they talk, the clearer it becomes that their real concern is not just Corbitt, but the fact that Dom is missing.

At that point the episode cuts away from the interrogation and reveals what happened to him. Dom wakes up in total darkness with a pounding head, the last thing he remembers being the back door of Corbitt’s house. He quickly realizes he is not lying on stable ground but bouncing around inside the trunk of a moving car. His hands are tied, his pockets have been emptied, and the only useful thing he can find is a heavy metal bar lying inside the trunk. He notices a crack of light where the trunk lid has bounced loose, wedges the bar into it, and manages to lever the trunk open.

Looking out, Dom sees he is being driven through a dim industrial part of Arkham, possibly down near the docks or river, with warehouses all around. He decides that whoever has him is almost certainly taking him somewhere secluded to kill him, so the next time the car slows he prepares to bail out. Instead, the car suddenly slams on the brakes and stops hard. Dom scrambles out of the trunk just as the driver opens his door, and rather than fleeing immediately he charges him with the metal bar.

The kidnapper is described as tall, wiry, mean-looking, with tightly combed dark hair parted down the middle and a dark red coat. Dom’s first swing misses thanks to his lingering grogginess, but the surprise gives him another shot. The two men then engage in what the table repeatedly jokes is the wimpiest fight imaginable: Dom clubs him with the bar, the attacker pulls a switchblade, Dom keeps landing modest hits that don’t seem to slow the man much, and both sides fumble around in a back-alley brawl that is more desperate than elegant. Eventually Dom rolls well enough to bull-rush the man backward into the car, knocking his guard aside and sending the switchblade skittering into the passenger seat. Dom slams the door and bolts on foot.

The attacker recovers almost immediately, gets back in the car, turns it around, and gives chase through the alleyways. Dom tries to lose him through side streets, but his luck is poor and he emerges into a dead-end industrial stretch with the car coming after him again. At the last second he spots a small shop or hardware store with someone just arriving to unlock the door. He runs to the man, breathlessly explains that he has been kidnapped and was in the boot of that car, and is ushered inside. As he turns to look back, the pursuing car simply continues on down the street instead of following him into the shop. Thanks to a great Spot Hidden roll, Dom gets a perfect look at the license plate as it passes under the streetlights, writes it down, and heads to the phone to call the police.

Back in the interrogation room, the detectives are still pushing and prodding when the investigators finally get them to agree to look into Dom’s disappearance. Corbitt may not be the Mangler, but the police reluctantly concede that a missing English drifter who entered his house and never came back out is worth checking on. Since Corbitt is not pressing charges, and since the whole event was technically just bizarre trespassing and “ridiculous shenanigans,” Kovach decides to let the group go with a warning not to bother their neighbor again. As they leave, the one question hanging over all of them is the same: Where is Dom Druncard?

The audience gets the answer just before the episode ends: Dom is alive, free, armed with a license plate number, and on the phone with the police. The episode cuts off right as the dispatcher asks, “Police Department, what’s your emergency?” leaving the investigators and the audience with a cliffhanger — Corbitt may have escaped legal scrutiny for now, but someone connected to him has already gone to the trouble of abducting Dom, and whatever is going on at Corbitt’s house is clearly much worse than simple neighborhood weirdness.

The episode keeps its usual goofy tone all the way through the horror. Standout comic moments include the long-running “heard the lights coming down the street” joke, the escalating police-car misery caused by Tallahassee apparently fouling himself, the group’s inability to tell a coherent story under questioning, Corbitt coolly explaining away a human hand as a refrigerated branch, and the table mercilessly describing Dom’s desperate trunk-escape fight as the least intimidating combat in history. The final gag over the credits promises that, despite everything else, no psychologists were injured in the recording of the episode.

Transcript

00:00: GM (Alex): Hey everybody, thanks for tuning in. Alex here, your host and dungeon master — or keeper of arcane lore and snazzy neckties.

00:05: GM: Just wanted to jump in with a quick heads-up. For the next couple of episodes we had a bit of a mishap while recording.

00:11: GM: There was a glitch and we lost the audio for my entire track for the session.

00:17: GM: Which… yeah. That sucks hugely.

00:21: GM: After panicking for a while we managed to salvage my audio from the other microphones in the room.

00:27: GM: So you’ll hear everything important, but the quality isn’t quite up to the standards we normally keep for the show.

00:33: GM: That will only be for the next two episodes.

00:37: GM: After that everything will be back to the normal ridiculousness you’ve come to know and tolerate.

00:43: GM: If you’ve been enjoying the show you can support us by checking us out on Patreon, leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, or spreading the word about the show.

00:51: GM: Or you can let us know what you like about the show on Twitter @ArkhamFiles.

00:56: GM: And what you don’t like about the show… you can send to your mom.

01:00: Players: laughter

01:03: GM: No, don’t tweet mean things to your mom. That’s terrible.

01:07: GM: The Arkham Files in no way condones the tweeting of mean things to moms.

01:11: GM: Our other announcement is that we’re going to have another player joining us for the foreseeable future.

01:17: GM: Abel is joining us at the table playing Officer Billy McConnell.

01:21: GM: Abe’s a really cool guy and brings a lot to the table, so I think you guys will enjoy hearing him on the show.

01:27: GM: And I think that’s it. So without further ado, here’s the next episode.

02:59: Intro: Welcome to The Arkham Files, an actual play Call of Cthulhu RPG podcast.

03:03: Intro: Featuring Seth Morrison as Tallahassee Turner.

03:08: Tallahassee (clip): “I think he’s dying, but if he does… are you available?”

03:12: Intro: Peter Morrison as Dom Druncard.

03:16: Dom (clip): “It was like I had a fair amount of spirits.”

03:20: Intro: Donovan Bollard as Dr. Simeon Kantstandyerbitz.

03:24: Dr. Simeon (clip): “I’m not a psychologist tonight.”

03:27: Intro: Sam Morrison as Major Frederick Aloysius Bakersfield.

03:31: Bakersfield (clip): “Still really into guns and ammo and stuff.”

03:35: Intro: Abel Morrison as Officer Billy McConnell.

03:38: McConnell (clip): “We can’t do anything drastically illegal by blowing up his business.”

03:42: Intro: And Alex Morrison as the Keeper.

03:46: GM: Now grab some dice — and your sanity. Let’s roll.

04:06: GM (in-character as Detective Kovach): Alright. Let’s see what we’ve got here.

04:10: Kovach: I’m Detective Frank Kovach. This is my partner, Detective Burke.

04:15: Kovach: I believe you gentlemen know why you’re here.

04:20: Kovach: And what I really want to know is why I was woken from my delightful slumber in the middle of the night.

04:27: Kovach: So let’s see… we’ve got a doctor, a major… and a celebrity explorer.

04:35: Kovach: Why don’t we cut to the chase, fellas. What were you doing at Corbitt’s house?

04:40: Tallahassee (player correcting voice): Sorry — wrong voice.

04:44: Tallahassee Turner: My name’s Tallahassee Turner.

04:47: Tallahassee: What makes you think we were in Mr. Corbitt’s house?

04:52: Tallahassee: I don’t remember even being there.

04:56: Tallahassee: I was in my backyard… or Dom’s backyard… wait, Simeon’s backyard.

05:02: Tallahassee: Well I found this weird bone and Bakersfield broke my camera.

05:07: Bakersfield: Some of these guys have to go, Frank.

05:10: Dr. Simeon: Look, we weren’t there. I promise you that.

05:14: Dr. Simeon: I’m a psychologist. And as a psychologist I would never break into someone’s home.

05:20: GM: Flashback — the night before.

05:23: GM: The three of you are standing in Dr. Simeon’s backyard looking at a long yellow bone.

05:30: GM: It appears to be human.

05:35: GM: Police lights begin coming down the street.

05:38: Player: Wait — did you say we *heard* the lights?

05:41: GM: Did I say that?

05:43: Players: laughter

05:45: Player: You definitely said we heard the lights.

05:48: GM: It was a different time.

05:50: Player: 1925. Very noisy lights.

05:53: Players: laughter

06:00: Tallahassee: Quick question — did we throw the bone back into Corbitt’s yard or hide it in Simeon’s yard?

06:05: Player: We hid it.

06:07: Player: That’s our bone.

06:10: GM: You’re examining the bone but it’s difficult to identify exactly.

06:15: GM: It resembles a femur but has strange protrusions and irregular joints.

06:21: GM: There are barbs and sharp edges along parts of it.

06:26: GM: You’re lucky none of you have cut yourselves on it.

06:31: Tallahassee: Can I roll Medicine?

06:33: Player: What are you going to do, spit on it?

06:36: Players: laughter

06:39: GM: Go ahead.

06:42: Tallahassee: 79.

06:44: Players: groans

06:47: GM: You can’t identify it, but it definitely isn’t normal.

06:52: GM: At that moment the police car door slams in front of Corbitt’s house.

06:57: Tallahassee: I’m going to hide the bone.

07:00: Tallahassee: Actually I’ll throw it into the bushes.

07:03: Bakersfield: Good idea.

07:05: Tallahassee: I’ll go talk to the cops.

07:08: Player: Let him distract them while we go into the house.

07:12: Bakersfield: Simeon, come with me.

07:15: GM: Tallahassee runs toward the police officers approaching Corbitt’s house.

07:22: GM: One of the younger officers immediately pulls his revolver.

07:27: Officer: Whoa! Easy there! Slow down!

07:31: Tallahassee: Relax, officer! I saw the lights and came running out.

07:35: Tallahassee: I’m very protective of my neighborhood.

07:39: Officer: Just calm down, sir.

07:42: Tallahassee: My name is Tallahassee Turner. Famous author.

07:46: Tallahassee: You may have read some of my books.

07:50: Officer: Alright Mr. Turner, stay right here.

07:54: Tallahassee: I live right across the street at Dr. Simeon’s.

07:58: Tallahassee: We just saw the lights coming down the street and wanted to make sure everything was okay.

08:03: Player: That’s some fast talking.

08:06: GM: Roll Fast Talk.

08:09: Tallahassee: 37.

08:12: GM: Hard success.

08:15: Officer: Alright Mr. Turner, calm down.

08:18: Officer: We got a call from Mr. Corbitt saying there were prowlers in his yard trying to break into his house.

08:24: Officer: So you’re going to stay right here while we check things out.

08:30: GM: Meanwhile…

08:33: GM: Bakersfield and Dr. Simeon climb the ladder over the fence into Corbitt’s yard.

08:40: GM: They move to the back door.

08:44: GM: The door is locked.

08:47: Bakersfield: I’m kicking it in.

08:50: Player: That’s going to be loud.

08:53: GM: Roll Strength.

08:56: Bakersfield: 49.

08:59: GM: Success.

09:02: GM: Bakersfield slams into the door.

09:06: GM: The frame cracks and the door bursts open.

09:11: GM: The two of you rush inside.

09:16: GM: Back at the front of the house…

09:20: GM: Tallahassee continues talking rapidly to the police officers.

09:25: GM: One officer heads toward the house after hearing the door break.

09:31: Officer: Stay right here.

09:34: GM: The officer runs to the front door of Corbitt’s house.

09:38: GM: The door opens and he rushes inside.

09:44: GM: Inside the house…

09:47: GM: Bakersfield and Dr. Simeon enter the kitchen.

09:52: GM: The staircase is near the front door.

19:28: GM: The stairs are right next to the front door.

19:31: GM: So as you guys come running in, I’m assuming you’re rushing for the stairs?

19:36: GM: As you pass the living room, you see Mr. Corbitt standing there.

19:42: GM: And just as you reach the stairs, the front door bursts open.

19:46: GM: A police officer is there with his gun drawn on both of you.

19:50: Officer O’Rourke: Freeze! Don’t move! Get your hands up, both of you!

19:55: Major Bakersfield: Officer, no — we heard a scream! There was a scream in the house!

20:00: Dr. Simeon: There was definitely a scream, officer.

20:03: Corbitt: Officer, thank you. I’m the one who called. I’m Bernard Corbitt.

20:09: Corbitt: These people were in my backyard. They broke into my house.

20:14: Corbitt: I don’t know what’s going on. I’m glad you came so quickly. It’s been terrible.

20:20: Officer O’Rourke: Alright. You two, come with me.

20:24: Officer O’Rourke: Get your hands up. We’re going outside. You’re getting in the car.

20:29: Major Bakersfield: Officer, there was a scream. We need to check upstairs.

20:34: Dr. Simeon: If you just come with us upstairs real quick, you’ll see what we heard.

20:39: Officer O’Rourke: What are you talking about? What did you hear?

20:43: Major Bakersfield: We heard a loud scream coming from upstairs in Mr. Corbitt’s house.

20:49: Dr. Simeon: It definitely did not sound like Mr. Corbitt.

20:53: Player: One of our friends went in earlier.

20:56: Players: laughter

20:58: Dr. Simeon: Our friend may have accidentally misplaced himself.

21:03: GM: Roll Persuade.

21:06: GM: Hard success.

21:08: Officer O’Rourke: You say you heard a woman screaming upstairs?

21:12: Major Bakersfield: Yeah.

21:14: Officer O’Rourke: Mr. Corbitt — is anyone else in the house?

21:18: Corbitt: No. I don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s just me.

21:23: Corbitt: I was alone. I was in bed.

21:26: Corbitt: I heard a noise in my backyard and saw all of these men running around, digging in my yard, trying to break into my house.

21:33: Corbitt: I saw my neighbor Tallahassee Turner standing out there digging in my yard.

21:38: Players: laughter

21:40: Corbitt: I saw a flash next door. I don’t know what’s going on.

21:45: Corbitt: I don’t know — maybe they’re in some kind of cult.

21:49: Players: laughter

21:51: Officer O’Rourke: Alright. We’re going to get all this sorted out.

21:55: Officer O’Rourke: But I need you two to head out the front door right now.

21:59: Officer O’Rourke: No funny business. No fast moves. Unless you want another hole in your head.

22:05: Major Bakersfield: Officer, I served in the military—

22:08: Player: Mouth or nose? For ears?

22:10: Players: laughter

22:12: Officer O’Rourke: Get moving, funny guy.

22:15: Dr. Simeon: I was a psychologist.

22:17: Players: laughter

22:19: Officer O’Rourke: I know one hole that needs to be shut, so get moving.

22:24: Players: laughter

22:27: GM: What are you doing? He’s standing there with his gun trained on you.

22:32: Major Bakersfield: Once this situation calms down, maybe I can take a quick look around.

22:37: Player: Did we tell him about the screaming lady upstairs?

22:40: Player: No. Do we want to?

22:43: Player: Just know your line.

22:46: GM: So I guess you’re going with him?

22:49: Major Bakersfield: Yeah.

22:51: Officer O’Rourke: What is this silent conversation going on between the two of you?

22:56: Player: We’re just talking with our eyes.

22:58: Players: laughter

23:00: GM: O’Rourke grabs Bakersfield by the shirt and starts dragging him outside.

23:05: GM: He grabs Dr. Simeon and starts shoving him out ahead of him too.

23:10: Officer O’Rourke: Alright. No fast moves, no funny business.

23:14: Officer O’Rourke: You go all the way out and stand by the car.

23:17: Officer O’Rourke: McConnell, you still got that guy?

23:20: Billy McConnell: Yeah, I got him.

23:22: Officer O’Rourke: He ain’t going anywhere. Put him in the back seat and lock him in.

23:27: Billy McConnell: Alright. Do you want me to cuff him?

23:30: Officer O’Rourke: Yeah, cuff him.

23:32: Player: Handcuffs in the ’20s?

23:34: Player: Yeah.

23:36: Player: I don’t think we’re tightening them up with rope.

23:40: Players: laughter

23:42: Player: Don’t tie my wrists too tight.

23:45: Players: laughter

23:47: Player: I’ve never been on a paddy wagon.

23:50: Officer O’Rourke: Look, Corbitt says he saw Tallahassee Turner specifically digging around back there.

23:56: Tallahassee Turner: I was picking vegetables.

23:59: Tallahassee: Good nighttime harvest.

24:02: Players: laughter

24:04: Player: For the record, handcuffs were invented in 1869 and became standard in 1912.

24:10: Players: We’re good.

24:12: Players: laughter

24:15: GM: Alright, so both of you get shut in the back seat by Officer O’Rourke.

24:19: Player: Oh my God.

24:21: Player: His name is Officer Rourke.

24:24: GM: Flash forward to right now.

25:51: GM: You guys get thrown in the car.

25:54: GM: We just had a nice little sidebar about the Rourkes coming over from Ireland.

25:58: GM: Unless you guys want to try any funny business before we move ahead…

26:03: Player: I’d like to try some funny business.

26:05: GM: Well, considering that we’ve already seen the future and know you all end up at the station, I was mostly giving you the chance to embellish a little before we move on.

26:13: Players: laughter

26:16: Player: It’s one of the pants.

26:18: Player: No.

26:19: Player: Sorry.

26:20: Player: Tallahassee, not again.

26:22: Players: laughter

26:24: Player: Man, the water really gives you the runs, doesn’t it?

26:27: Tallahassee Turner: I don’t know.

26:29: Players: laughter

26:31: GM: Okay, look — did these guys try anything weird out here?

26:35: Officer Billy McConnell: No. He just talked a lot.

26:39: Players: laughter

26:41: Officer O’Rourke: Alright. Let’s go inside. We’ll check things out.

26:45: Tallahassee: Please. Please. I’m pretty stinky in here. Can you maybe escort me into my house so I can change my pants out of this car?

26:53: Players: laughter

26:55: Player: It’s true. He did.

26:57: GM: So you guys see the two police officers head inside Corbitt’s house.

27:03: GM: You remain out in the car for a pretty good amount of time before they come back out and drive you to the police station.

27:10: Player: I really thought the ruined pants would buy us more time.

27:14: Player: Now we just have to sit in this car with the stench of Fancy Turner.

27:18: Player: Roll for poo. How bad was it? Do we need a Sanity check?

27:23: Players: laughter

28:18: GM: Several hours later…

28:21: GM: You’ve been sitting in this interrogation room for hours.

28:25: GM: Maybe it’s been two hours. It’s hard to tell.

28:29: GM: It’s a drab, blank, featureless room with a table and a single light hanging from the ceiling.

28:36: GM: The arresting officers brought you in, though you haven’t necessarily been charged with anything yet.

28:42: GM: Papers were filled out. You spoke to the desk sergeant. Eventually the detectives return.

29:02: Detective Kovach: Alright. So tell me — what were you doing at Corbitt’s house?

29:08: Tallahassee Turner: I wasn’t in Corbitt’s house, obviously.

29:12: Tallahassee: I told you that directly.

29:15: Tallahassee: I was in his backyard.

29:18: Tallahassee: I was picking his vegetables.

29:21: Tallahassee: He’s very nice and brings vegetables around. He lets his neighbors pick vegetables sometimes.

29:28: Players: laughter

29:30: Major Bakersfield: We already told you — we heard a scream. That’s all we were doing. We were going to check it out.

29:37: Major Bakersfield: We thought someone was in trouble. It might have been Mr. Corbitt.

29:42: Major Bakersfield: That’s why I kicked down the door and rushed in.

29:47: Detective Kovach: There you go. The scream. You heard the scream earlier.

29:52: Major Bakersfield: Yes.

29:54: Tallahassee: Did you guys find anything when you went back in? Because we were sitting in that car — which was super stink, by the way.

30:01: Tallahassee: While we were sitting there smelling a whole bunch, did you find anything in the house?

30:06: Players: laughter

30:09: Detective Kovach: That was the only reason those two were in the house. The rest of you were outside watching.

30:15: Major Bakersfield: Listen, officer. I served in the military for a lot of years. I’ve heard a lot of screams.

30:21: Major Bakersfield: That was a desperate scream. That was a cry for help. I know what I heard.

30:27: Detective Kovach: The officers on the scene searched the house. There was nobody in there.

30:33: Detective Kovach: Nobody upstairs. Nobody on the ground floor.

30:38: Detective Kovach: Now look — you say you heard this scream, and then you rush in right when the police get there.

30:44: Detective Kovach: Why were you in the yard before that?

30:48: Tallahassee Turner: Like I told you, I was just going back there…

30:52: Tallahassee: You know. Watching. Keeping an eye on things.

30:56: Detective Kovach: Oh yeah? Explain to me why you guys were keeping an eye on this man.

31:01: Detective Kovach: What were you doing? Just being nosy? Seeing what he had going on over there?

31:07: Tallahassee Turner: Well, you see, he’s got this really loud car. It’s very obnoxious.

31:12: Players: laughter

31:14: Detective Kovach: Respected businessman. Business owner.

31:18: Tallahassee: Then he can afford a better car.

31:21: Players: laughter

31:23: Detective Kovach: What’s your problem with Corbitt?

31:27: Tallahassee Turner: No problem. I’m just saying we heard a scream.

31:31: Tallahassee: I didn’t even have my cheaters on, okay?

31:34: Players: laughter

31:36: GM: That’s some genuine 1920s slang right there.

31:40: GM: I appreciate that.

31:43: Player: Can I get some bonus on this now?

31:46: GM: Okay, so look…

31:48: Detective Kovach: It’s best if you just come clean here, right?

31:52: Detective Burke: Yeah. You don’t want to stay dirty.

31:56: Players: laughter

31:58: Tallahassee Turner: We had a friend we were spending the evening with earlier. We were sucking back a couple of waters.

32:05: Detective Kovach: Okay.

32:07: Tallahassee: Friend from England.

32:10: Player: Acquaintance.

32:12: Players: laughter

32:14: Tallahassee: Fine. Acquaintance from England.

32:17: Tallahassee: And he just disappeared.

32:20: Detective Kovach: Disappeared.

32:22: Tallahassee: Yes.

32:24: Tallahassee: He left to use the bathroom, I believe, and never came back.

32:29: Detective Kovach: From where?

32:31: Tallahassee: We were hanging out at Dr. Simeon’s house.

32:35: Detective Kovach: So he went to use the bathroom and disappeared.

32:39: Detective Kovach: And you thought that was him screaming from next door?

32:43: Player: Really had to go, huh?

32:45: Players: laughter

32:47: Tallahassee: He has a few problems, okay?

32:50: Detective Kovach: So is that what was going on? You thought maybe Mr. Corbitt grabbed him on his way to the bathroom?

32:56: Detective Burke: It does make more sense.

33:00: Tallahassee Turner: Officer, can you give us a minute here real quick?

33:04: Detective Kovach: You’ve had plenty of minutes in here.

33:07: Detective Kovach: So you can corroborate your stories?

33:10: Players: laughter

33:13: GM: We may even have had a chance to flash back and do that.

33:17: Players: laughter

33:20: Detective Kovach: Now it’s game time. I want to know what happened.

33:25: Major Bakersfield: Alright, listen up. This is the story.

34:20: Major Bakersfield: Earlier in the day I was mowing my lawn.

34:24: Major Bakersfield: The other guys were sucking back a couple of waters without me.

34:29: Players: laughter

34:32: Major Bakersfield: Mr. Corbitt comes driving down the street in his loud car.

34:36: Major Bakersfield: Don’t know why he doesn’t get that fixed.

34:40: Major Bakersfield: As he was walking into his house, he was carrying a bunch of stuff.

34:45: Major Bakersfield: And Dr. Simeion and Tallahassee here saw a package — a canvas-wrapped package —

34:52: Player: Don’t bring me into this. Keep going.

34:55: Major Bakersfield: — and they swear a human hand fell out of it.

35:00: Tallahassee Turner: I did see a hand, officer.

35:03: Major Bakersfield: He was acting very suspicious.

35:07: Major Bakersfield: So later that night we may have snooped in his backyard a little bit.

35:13: Detective Kovach: And what did you find?

35:16: Major Bakersfield: We found what looked like a bone in his backyard.

35:20: Major Bakersfield: A human bone.

35:23: Major Bakersfield: That’s when our good buddy — our acquaintance — Dom may have gotten a little carried away and gone into the house.

35:31: Major Bakersfield: Then we heard the scream, and he never came back out.

35:36: Detective Kovach: Okay. So now Corbitt is the Miskatonic Mangler? That’s what you’re telling me?

35:42: Major Bakersfield: That’s not what I said.

35:45: Major Bakersfield: I’m just saying you can never be too careful.

35:49: Tallahassee Turner: So can we go now?

35:53: Players: laughter

35:56: Detective Kovach: Alright. You guys stay here.

35:59: Detective Kovach: We’ve got some more questions to ask. We’ll be right back.

36:04: Tallahassee Turner: I want you to go chase yourself.

36:08: GM: The detectives get up, walk out, and close the door behind them.

36:19: GM: You’ve got them outside for a moment. What are you guys doing?

37:23: Player: Why don’t you tell them about the hand?

37:26: Player: In my experience, it’s always best to come clean with law enforcement.

37:31: Player: How many times have you dealt with law enforcement, exactly?

37:35: Player: That’s none of your business.

37:37: Players: laughter

37:39: Dr. Simeon: I’m not one of your patients.

37:42: Player: I’m just asking questions.

37:45: Player: Should we just come clean and see what happens, or make a break for it?

37:50: Major Bakersfield: I already kicked down one door. I’m not kicking down another.

37:56: GM: You guys sit there for a long while. Maybe another hour or two.

38:02: GM: Finally, after what feels like forever, the detectives come back in and sit down.

38:10: Detective Kovach: Good luck, gentlemen.

38:14: Detective Burke: Is there a circus in town?

38:18: Detective Kovach: I don’t know, Burke, but it sure sounds like I’ve got a bunch of clowns sitting in front of me.

38:24: Players: laughter

38:27: Detective Kovach: We pulled some files on all of you.

38:31: Tallahassee Turner: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

38:34: Detective Kovach: I asked a few more questions, called a few more people, and woke up a few more important people.

38:40: Detective Kovach: None of this has been very good for my career.

38:45: Detective Kovach: The officers searched the house. There was nothing there.

38:49: Detective Kovach: Mr. Corbitt took them back and showed them his refrigerator.

38:54: Detective Kovach: Apparently the package you all saw him carrying earlier — the one you were watching from across the street while “sucking back waters” —

39:02: Detective Kovach: was a branch.

39:05: Detective Kovach: He says he collects mold and moss and keeps special specimens for fertilizer.

39:11: Detective Kovach: So yes, apparently he keeps a branch in his icebox.

39:16: Players: skeptical noises

39:19: Detective Kovach: But you’re all bringing this to me like he’s some killer, some kind of mass murderer, the Miskatonic Mangler.

39:27: Detective Kovach: That’s what you’re getting at, isn’t it?

39:31: Major Bakersfield: That’s not what I said.

39:34: Detective Kovach: Look — he’s got rock-solid alibis.

39:38: Detective Kovach: We checked around. He was at work during three of the murders.

39:43: Tallahassee Turner: Did you find Dom?

39:46: Tallahassee: Did you find anybody else in the house? Did you check the Knapps’?

39:51: Tallahassee: I’m really pretty worried about Mr. Druncard. He’s a pretty good friend of mine.

39:57: Dr. Simeon: What was your breakfast, field?

40:00: Players: laughter

40:03: Detective Kovach: Yeah, but that’s bushwa.

40:06: Tallahassee Turner: Come on, man. Go chase yourself.

40:10: Players: laughter

40:12: Tallahassee: I mean, come on. We’ve got to know. He could be seriously injured or hurt.

40:17: Major Bakersfield: Listen to me, officer. Mr. Corbitt was involved in some seriously queer behavior.

40:23: Players: laughter

40:25: Player: I’m queer, but hey — there’s something not right here.

40:29: Players: laughter

40:31: Detective Kovach: Alright, all of you shut up and listen.

40:35: Detective Kovach: We checked those alibis. He’s not the Mangler. I can tell you that.

40:41: Detective Kovach: On the latest murder, he was at a business dinner with the mayor himself.

40:47: Players: reactions

40:50: Tallahassee Turner: So what, Corbitt and the mayor killed the woman together?

40:55: Players: laughter

40:58: Tallahassee: Mystery solved. Can we go next?

41:02: Detective Kovach: Look, okay.

41:05: Detective Kovach: One, you thought you saw some suspicious behavior.

41:09: Detective Kovach: Fine.

41:11: Detective Kovach: Two, your friend is missing, and we’ll look into that.

41:16: Detective Kovach: But if I stop wasting time talking to you, and instead go check into that, it’ll help things along.

41:24: Player: I think that’s a Persuade.

41:27: Tallahassee Turner: I don’t have a good Persuade.

41:30: Major Bakersfield: I’m making the same request.

41:33: Major Bakersfield: The cops need to stop wasting their time here with us and go find our friend Dom right now.

41:41: GM: Roll Persuade.

41:44: Major Bakersfield: 28.

41:47: GM: Success.

41:49: Detective Kovach: Fine.

41:52: Detective Kovach: We’ll go out and talk to the officers. We’ll check the house and the Knapps’ place.

41:58: Players: relief and laughter

42:01: Detective Kovach: Alright. I got it for you.

42:04: GM: He gets up and points on his way out.

42:08: Detective Kovach: Thank your psychologist for that.

42:12: Players: laughter

42:15: Detective Burke: You get that, Burke? Sounds like a good book title.

42:20: Dr. Simeon: As a psychologist, I’ve written many books about branches that looked like hands.

42:25: Players: laughter

42:28: Major Bakersfield: Very useful.

42:31: Players continue riffing on slang and old-timey phrasing.

42:39: Tallahassee Turner: Now that I’ve already pooped my pants, I figured I might as well…

42:43: Players: laughter

42:45: Tallahassee: Officer, I’m just not feeling so hot.

42:49: Detective Kovach: Alright, look.

42:52: Detective Kovach: I’m going to let you guys go.

42:56: Detective Kovach: I shouldn’t, because of the ridiculous shenanigans you pulled.

43:01: Detective Kovach: But for now I’ll call it here.

43:04: Detective Kovach: Corbitt isn’t pressing charges. He says he didn’t hear a scream. Maybe you heard it from somewhere else.

43:11: Detective Kovach: So, against my better judgment, I’m letting you all go.

43:17: Tallahassee Turner: Thank you. I’ve served. I need to go home and change.

43:22: Players: laughter

43:24: Detective Kovach: Burke’s going to go talk to the officers again. We’re going to look into your missing friend.

43:31: Detective Kovach: Go on. Get out of here. And don’t bother your neighbor again.

43:36: Detective Kovach: If you learn anything more about this, let us know.

43:41: Tallahassee Turner: Thank you, officer.

43:44: Tallahassee: I left my cheaters at home.

43:47: Players: laughter

43:49: GM: As you guys are walking away, there’s one question still on everybody’s mind.

43:55: GM: Where is Dom Druncard?

46:16: GM: Dom, you wake up.

46:19: Players: It’s about time.

46:22: GM: Open your eyes and look around.

46:25: GM: At least, you think your eyes are open. It’s hard to tell. There isn’t any light.

46:31: GM: Your head hurts like the mother of all hangovers, and you have no idea how you got here.

46:38: GM: The last thing you remember is standing outside the back door of Bernard Corbitt’s house.

46:44: GM: And then everything went black.

46:48: GM: Here you are, somewhere dark.

46:52: GM: You begin to notice a noise. It’s been there the whole time, but only now does it register as a rumbling sound.

46:58: GM: You also realize you’re not lying on anything stationary. You’re bouncing around.

47:04: GM: Putting the two together, you realize you’re probably in a car. Maybe in the trunk of a car.

47:12: GM: You’re not sure how long you’ve been out.

47:16: GM: What do you do?

47:19: Dom Druncard: Do I still have my flashlight?

47:23: GM: As you search around, you notice your hands are tied.

47:28: GM: You feel around your pockets. They’re empty.

47:34: Dom: I’m going to feel around the trunk for something sharp.

47:38: GM: You don’t find anything sharp, but you do find a piece of metal.

47:43: GM: It feels like a fairly weighty bar — maybe something used for changing a tire.

47:50: GM: As you shift around, you notice a small crack of white light.

47:55: GM: It looks like the trunk lid has bounced open just a little.

48:00: Dom Druncard: Can I reach the bar?

48:02: GM: Yes.

48:04: Dom: I’d like to wedge it into the trunk and lever it open.

48:09: GM: Alright. Make a Strength roll.

48:13: Dom: My Strength is 70.

48:16: Dom: 58.

48:19: GM: Success.

48:22: GM: You jam the bar into the crack and work it back and forth until it’s in as far as it’ll go.

48:29: GM: Then you put all your weight into it.

48:33: GM: The trunk pops open.

48:36: GM: You see the night sky — or maybe early dawn. There’s just a hint of light at the horizon.

48:43: GM: There are streetlights, a few businesses, and you’re moving through a part of town you don’t completely recognize.

48:50: Dom Druncard: How fast is the car going?

48:53: GM: Not too fast. You’re still in town. Maybe fifteen miles an hour.

48:59: Player: You could roll out.

49:01: GM: There don’t appear to be any cars behind you. It’s a pretty secluded part of the city.

49:07: GM: You see large buildings — maybe warehouses. Possibly near the docks or the river.

49:14: Dom: Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s taking me somewhere secluded so he can, you know, mangle me. I’d rather not get there.

49:21: GM: What do you do?

49:23: Dom: I hold onto the bar, and the next time he slows at all, I roll out the back.

49:30: GM: Alright. You ride for another minute or two.

49:35: GM: Make a Listen roll.

49:38: Dom: My Listen is 60.

49:41: Dom: 95.

49:43: Players: laughter

49:45: GM: You hear something from up in the cab, and suddenly the brakes slam.

49:51: GM: The car screeches to a stop and throws you hard against the inside of the trunk.

49:58: GM: What do you do?

50:01: Dom: My feet aren’t tied, right?

50:04: GM: Correct.

50:06: Players discuss options and joke about Tallahassee’s pants situation.

50:14: Dom: I’m going to try to get out of the trunk.

50:18: GM: You lever yourself up and roll toward the edge of the trunk.

50:22: GM: You throw your feet over the edge.

50:25: Dom: Do I hear the car door open?

50:28: GM: Yes. Just as your feet hit the pavement, you hear the driver’s side door open.

50:34: Dom: I’m going to rush the driver’s side with my metal bar.

50:39: GM: Alright. Make a POW roll first.

50:43: Dom: My POW is 45.

50:46: Dom: 72.

50:48: GM: Failure.

50:50: GM: Whatever Corbitt did to you is still hitting pretty hard. You’re groggy and off balance.

50:57: GM: A man steps out of the driver’s side.

51:00: GM: He’s tall and wiry, with a mean stretched face, tightly combed dark hair parted down the middle, and a dark harbor-red coat.

51:09: GM: He looks up in surprise as you rush him.

51:13: GM: Roll Fighting (Brawl) with a penalty die.

51:17: Dom: My Brawl is 60.

51:20: Dom: I got 20 and 70.

51:23: Dom: The dice are against me.

51:25: GM: Failure.

51:27: GM: You swing the bar at his face, but he dodges aside.

51:31: GM: You stumble into the driver’s side door.

51:35: GM: What’s your DEX?

51:37: Dom: 65.

51:39: GM: He and you have the same DEX, so that surprise is enough to let you go again.

51:45: GM: He’s stumbled back into the car and is distracted for a moment.

51:50: GM: What do you do?

51:52: Dom: I swing the pipe at his head.

51:55: GM: Roll Fighting (Brawl) again.

51:58: Dom: 55.

52:00: GM: Success.

52:02: GM: He tries to fight back and also succeeds.

52:06: GM: Roll damage: 1d3 plus your damage bonus.

52:11: Dom rolls minimal damage.

52:14: Players: laughter

52:16: GM: You connect, but not with the staggering blow you were hoping for. It mostly catches him in the shoulder.

52:23: GM: He’s taking the hits pretty well.

52:27: GM: As he recovers, you see he has pulled a switchblade.

52:32: Players: reactions

52:34: GM: What do you do?

52:36: Dom: I’m going to fight back.

52:39: GM: Do you want a maneuver, or are you just trying to hit him?

52:43: Dom: I’ll just try to hit him.

52:46: Players: This is the wimpiest fight.

52:49: Players: laughter

52:51: GM: He comes in with the knife.

52:54: Dom rolls a regular success.

52:57: GM: He fails.

53:00: GM: He tries to stab you, but you swing the bar up and hit him first.

53:05: GM: It knocks his arm aside and stuns him for a moment.

53:09: Dom: Do I roll damage again?

53:11: GM: Yes.

53:13: Dom rolls 3 damage.

53:16: GM: Better.

53:18: GM: But he’s still taking it pretty well. He doesn’t seem winded or badly staggered.

53:25: GM: What do you do?

53:28: Dom: I’m going to try to knock him back into the car.

53:32: GM: Alright. Roll Fighting (Brawl).

53:35: Dom: 11.

53:37: GM: Extreme success.

53:39: Players: cheers

53:41: GM: He fumbles.

53:43: GM: You connect with the bar, knock his guard wide, and then bull-rush him with your shoulder.

53:49: GM: He goes flying back into the car.

53:53: GM: He falls across the seat, and the switchblade goes skittering away onto the passenger side.

53:59: Dom: I’d grab his keys, slam the door, and make a break for it.

54:03: GM: There aren’t any keys. It’s a crank car.

54:07: Players: laughter

54:10: Dom: Then I slam the door and run.

54:13: GM: The street is dimly lit by streetlights. You can see the hand cranks hanging down from the side.

54:20: GM: You take off running in the opposite direction from the way the car was going.

54:25: GM: What are you trying to do — just get away?

54:28: Dom: Yes.

54:30: GM: As you run, you glance over your shoulder and see him pop back out of the car.

54:36: GM: He looks around, spots you, climbs back in, slams the door, and starts driving.

54:43: GM: He flips the car around and comes after you.

54:48: GM: There are buildings and alleys around you.

54:51: Dom: Do any of the alleys connect to another street?

54:54: GM: Some do.

54:56: Dom: I want the first alley that connects to another road.

55:00: GM: Alright. Make a Luck roll.

55:03: Dom: I failed.

55:05: GM: You come out on another street, but it’s basically a dead end.

55:10: GM: It looks like you’re in an industrial area near the docks — lots of warehouses.

55:17: GM: Farther north, you can see more lights. Possibly a busier part of town.

55:23: GM: The car turns into the alley behind you.

55:27: GM: What do you do?

55:30: Dom: I’m going to run toward the north side.

55:33: GM: As the car starts turning the corner, you reach another side street.

55:38: GM: Off to your right you see what looks like a little shop or hardware store.

55:44: GM: Someone is just arriving to unlock the door.

55:48: GM: It’s the first person you’ve seen.

55:51: Dom: I run toward him.

55:53: GM: The man looks up in alarm.

55:56: Dom: Hello! Can you help me, please? That man in that car has been chasing me. My hands are tied. He had me in his car — in the boot.

56:06: Players: laughter

56:08: GM: Roll Psychology.

56:11: Dom: I only have 10%.

56:13: Dom: 38.

56:15: Players: laughter

56:17: GM: He seems human enough.

56:20: GM: He ushers you inside.

56:23: GM: You rush in. It’s a little shop full of random stock.

56:28: Players make jokes about strange inventory and scenario weirdness.

56:34: GM: Roll Spot Hidden.

56:37: Dom: 3.

56:39: GM: Extreme success.

56:41: GM: As you rush through the door and turn to look back, you see the car just keep going down the street.

56:48: GM: It doesn’t bother following you anymore.

56:51: Dom: I want to see if I can get the license plate.

56:54: GM: No roll needed.

56:56: GM: Just as the car passes under the streetlights, you get a perfect look at the plate.

57:02: GM: The shopkeeper gives you a pad and paper.

57:06: GM: You furiously write the number down.

57:09: GM: Then he leads you to the telephone.

57:13: GM: What do you want to call?

57:16: Players joke around.

57:25: Operator: Operator, how may I direct your call?

57:29: Dom Druncard: Operator, get me the police.

57:33: Operator: Thank you. Please hold.

57:36: Police Dispatcher: Police Department. What’s your emergency?

57:40: GM: End episode.

57:43: Outro: Thanks for listening to this episode of The Arkham Files.

57:47: Outro: If you like what you hear, show us your support by checking us out on Patreon and leaving us a five-star review.

57:54: Outro: Thanks again.

58:20: Outro gag: No psychologists were injured in the recording of this episode.