404: Episode IV

Synopsis

The episode picks up where 403: I Will Steal You Back left off. Tallahassee is standing on cracked dark ground like salt flats made of volcanic ash, in a barren landscape strewn with large crystal formations and lit by red lightning in the distance. It feels as though he has been there forever and has been trying to will himself back without success. He fails a Sanity roll and loses a point. A voice that seems to come from the sky, Billy's Command, says "wake," and it cracks the hold of the place. He calls out, "Is that you, Runch?" Runch asks what he is doing there, and Tallahassee says he was hugging a hobo. Runch says that Simeon said the same thing about digging when he first arrived. Outside, Billy's Command makes Tallahassee's eyes flutter, but he sinks back, so Billy smacks him a few times. Simeon copies Billy's calm, casts Command himself and beats Tallahassee's POW roll, and a second voice comes from the sky. A failed Luck roll and a Spot Hidden roll that lands exactly on his skill give Tallahassee a glimpse of motion among the rocks. He then casts Sign of Power, which the Keeper says is a somatic spell, a hand gesture, not a vocal one. Cracks run through space in front of his eyes, he forces his way through, and the place shatters. He wakes on the back seat of a car with Billy and Simeon standing over him as an in-world radio ad for "What a Woman Wants," Arkham's first women's radio program, plays.

Tallahassee tells the others he was in the same kind of place Simeon went to after drinking the liquid in 106: The Miskatonic Mangler, which Billy remembers as the time Simeon "drank the soy sauce." The hobo outside the diner hugged him so that he could not move and whispered about the ferryman, and then a cold chill ran down the back of his neck and he was there. Simeon says they need to be careful with anyone who knows about the ferryman, and says there is clearly a connection to the soy sauce. Simeon wants to talk to Dr. Doyle, but the Keeper says that Doyle, who was the administrator of the Arkham hospital, is dead. Simeon counts three similar cases: John Johnson, Dr. Doyle and Mrs. Bakersfield, whose name the Keeper gives as Elizabeth Brown Bakersfield, from the autopsy report. The Keeper also recalls that the coroner gave the group a fingerprint card, and the dead man is still listed as "John Doe" on the autopsy because nobody has identified him; the group later learns that "John Johnson" was an obviously fake name used by Harman Vance. Billy reads from the report: multiple stab wounds on the torso from something like an ice pick or a stake, and a body that had been exposed to severe weather for days. He thinks that Johnson may have been in the same place, where Tallahassee says people could wander the barren dirt by themselves with no one to bring them out. Tallahassee makes an Idea roll and realises that for him, about half a day went by, while the others say it was an hour or two. Billy says they should find out who the dead man is and then meet up with Dom and the Major.

Meanwhile, at about 2 p.m., Dom Druncard and Major Bakersfield drive to the fancier north side of town, to West Armitage Street, where they find Cortex Studios, a small, high-end custom watch and jewelry boutique. The Major apologizes for the chili cheese fries he ate in the car, and Dom says he could at least have cracked a window. They agree that they need to find out who the "RG" on the watch is and who bought it, and Dom suggests that they say they are with the police, which he says is technically true. Inside, the shop is full of glass cases and expensive watches, and a row of nice glasses makes the Major look away in rage and sadness, then go blank again. Dom says, "Steady, Major, we'll find the culprit soon." The owner, Jelty, an older man with a salt-and-pepper beard and a Croatian accent that sometimes wanders, comes out from the back room. Dom shows him the watch and says they are looking for its owner, and Jelty takes it and turns it over in his hands. Dom says that they are with the police and that the watch was involved in a crime earlier that morning, and lays on the flattery with a charm roll that is a hard success. Jelty goes into the back to check his records. Dom fails a Psychology roll, and ten minutes later Jelty returns.

Jelty identifies the watch as belonging to Raymond Goddard of the Goddard family, which Jelty calls an old, very wealthy and influential Arkham family. The Major has heard the name around town but knows nothing about them, and Dom, who is from England, says he is not from around here. Jelty believes that Raymond's parents bought the watch for him, and he hands over a piece of paper with Raymond's address, which the Keeper says is on the south side of town in another well-off area. Jelty says that Raymond is an adult man. When the Major asks about John Johnson, Jelty says that it sounds very fake, like something made up. When Dom asks about the "boatmen," Jelty calls them the "hugging hobos" and says that he sometimes sees them outside his shop, but he knows nothing about them. Dom and the Major leave to visit Raymond. Back on the street, both fail a Spot Hidden roll, and they get into the car and head for the south side.

Funny Moments

• Tallahassee reacts to the voice from the sky telling him to wake with "Nobody tells me what to do. I'm Tallahassee Turner." When Runch says that Simeon started digging when he first arrived, Tallahassee says, "Simmy is an idiot," and a few lines later adds, "You should go piss on those crystals."
• In the other world, Runch floats over Tallahassee like a spirit guide, a player jokes that it is "Morgan Freeman as Captain Crunch," and Runch asks, "You see that duck? There's a duck over there by them rocks." A player says that it turns out Tallahassee did not in fact see a duck, and another jokes "get busy ducking." When Tallahassee wakes, he says that Runch is there with him, and the Keeper says Runch is "now just going to haunt you for the rest of your life."
• Tallahassee casts Sign of Power with a shout, and a player jokes that he is speaking Elvish and hopes the editors add an echo. The Keeper says that he has to retcon the shout, "even though it kills me to do so," because it is a somatic spell, and then says Tallahassee could cast it in secret with a hand sign, "like Naruto, like doing some jutsu."
• The in-world radio ad for "What a Woman Wants," sponsored by Aunt Betty's Bakery on Fifth and Broadway, promises to teach listeners "how to meet all of your woman's needs."
• Tallahassee, parched after half a day in the other world, asks for a drink, and the table breaks into "walkin' all day long." The Keeper describes a vision of two singers swarmed by students, and a player points out that this would be about thirty years too early.
• Billy asks Tallahassee, "Did you get attacked by spiders there?" and Tallahassee says, "They tried to attack me, but I just destroyed them all." The table spends a long time naming the place: "the upside-down," "Soyland," "soy world," "downward doggy."
• The table tries out ways for the Major to say "Thanks, Dom" while looking at the glasses, taking him from repressed emotion to a crack in the voice, and the Keeper suggests that he just purse his lips and nod.
• Dom answers the demand to hand over the watch with "we already stole it. You can't steal it twice." A player adds, "You can triple steal a double steal."
• Dom's charm roll sets off a long run of jokes about buttering his crumpet.
• When Jelty is asked whether he knows Raymond Goddard, the Major asks "Does everybody love Raymond?" and Jelty replies, "As far as I know, everybody loves Raymond."
• When Dom and the Major fail their Spot Hidden roll on the street, Dom says, "We check under the car for bombs," and the Keeper says there are three d6 bombs attached to the bottom of the car, and two d6 burglars jump out to assault them.

Notable Quotes

• "Is that you, Runch?" —Tallahassee Turner
• "Nobody tells me what to do. I'm Tallahassee Turner." —Tallahassee Turner
• "There's a duck over there by them rocks." —Runch
• "I did meet Runch." —Dr. Simeon
• "I was out of this world." —Tallahassee Turner
• "Clearly there's some connection to the soy sauce." —Dr. Simeon
• "Steady, Major, we'll find the culprit soon." —Dom Druncard
• "Let's just get in and get our questions answered and get out. This place makes me sick." —Major Bakersfield
• "You can't steal it twice." —Dom Druncard
• "Does everybody love Raymond?" —Major Bakersfield
• "We check under the car for bombs." —Dom Druncard