101: It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Transcript

Welcome to The Arkham Files, an actual-play Call of Cthulhu RPG podcast.

Starring:

Seth Morrison as Tallahassee Turner

“I think he's dying… but if he does, are you available?”

Peter Morrison as Dominic Druncard

“It was like I… you know… had a fair amount of spirits.”

Donovan Ballard as Dr. Simeon

“I’m not a psychologist tonight.”

Sam Morrison as Major Frederick Aloisius Bakersfield

“Still really into guns and ammo and… shit.”

Abel Morrison as Officer Billie McConnell

“We can’t do anything drastically illegal ... like blow up his business.”

And I’m your Game Master — the Keeper of Arcane Lore, Alex Morrison.

Now grab your dice… and your sanity.

Let’s roll.

There are dark places in this world. You can find them, if you look. Anywhere the light of civilization or enlightenment shines, it inevitably creates shadows — and in those shadows, evil hides. You can find these dark places if you look. Some travelers stumble into them while roaming the world, whether by accident or design. And when they do, it is usually to their lasting horror. Some of these places are so sinister and mysterious that they have become synonymous with darkness itself: the darkest jungles of Africa, the deep catacombs of Paris, the dark side of the moon, even a dark alley. You can find these places if you look. But what we often don’t realize — until it’s too late — is that darkness can be anywhere. Even the light of one person’s joy or triumph can cast a shadow of anger and resentment in an envious neighbor. The darkest evil might hide behind: the eyes of a friendly accountant, a smiling waitress, a quiet orderly. And sometimes… evil finds you. Sometimes darkness comes home.

3:34: It's a regular Sunday evening in June 1925. It's a nice day. It's been a warm summer. Nice and calm. You guys are off on your street. You're all neighbors that live together on this street where pretty much not much ever really happens. So, Dom and Dr. Simmy, you guys have all met over at Tallahassee Turner's house. You guys are all hanging out on the porch, you invited you over for an evening drink out on this porch of I'm sure some sort of non-alcoholic beverage seeing that it is a prohibition. Major Bakersfield, you're out working in your yard with your wife like you tend to be on a Sunday evening. And over at Tallahassee's house, you guys are out sitting on the porch, just kind of small talk. You have the radio turned up inside of the house so you can listen to the local jazz station.

04:43: "Oh, that's good right there."

04:47: "Yeah, pour me some."

04:51: "Appreciate you guys coming over."

04:54: "A couple drinks here."

04:56: "Water."

04:57: "Of course, my good man. Fresh water."

05:00: "Love me a good—"

05:03: "I'm gonna have to haul that water."

05:08: Major Bakersfield, you're over there mowing your lawn for what seems like the 800th time.

05:20: You look over with a little bit of jealousy as you see your fellow neighbors sitting on the porch enjoying the evening.

05:42: (laughter)

05:45: "I couldn't keep it together, I'm sorry."

05:48: "You're just looking at that delicious water."

05:52: "Water, just quenching your thirst."

05:54: "The water's always clearest on the other side."

05:56: "Oh, that's not the phrase."

05:59: As you guys are hanging out — enjoying the evening, or working in your yard and also enjoying that to a degree — you hear a car coming down the street with a distinctive squeaking sound. Maybe a loose fan belt or something.

06:13: Aloisius, you hear it and it gets on your nerves like always.

06:19: You can't believe that Mr. Corbitt, for being a pretty successful businessman, hasn't gotten that car fixed or bought a new one.

06:31: Suddenly, as you're enjoying the jazz music, it cuts out.

06:36: You hear: "Breaking news, Arkham. The Miskatonic Mangler has struck again."

06:42: "You might want to send the wife and kids out for this one, folks."

06:46: "Just last night the mutilated corpse of a young woman was found near the eastern end of the Miskatonic campus."

06:52: "Reports say the body was missing limbs and vital organs."

06:57: "Police are baffled at what maniacal miscreant could be responsible for such dark and bloody deeds."

07:03: "Will the Mangler ever be caught? Will the law-abiding citizens of Arkham ever be able to rest peacefully again?"

07:08: "Stay tuned for more updates as the news comes in on 950 KTLU — Arkham's only place for jazz."

07:13: The jazz fades back in after that.

07:26: You guys are all shocked by that — but maybe not too shocked. These murders have been going on for several months.

07:51: "What a crime. Shame it is."

07:55: "Let's make it British."

07:58: "From London, Germany."

08:02: "What?"

08:04: "It sounds like a German or something."

08:05: "My people are originally from Germany."

08:27: (laughter)

08:29: "When you're talking with that fake British accent, we all know you're German."

08:37: (laughter)

08:45: As you guys are hanging out and having some delicious waters, Mr. Corbitt pulls into his driveway.

08:51: He gets out of his car and goes back to the trunk and grabs a couple of canvas-wrapped packages.

09:00: One is long and thin — almost like a baseball bat.

09:05: The other is smaller and rounder, maybe about the size of a softball.

09:14: He walks up to his porch and starts fumbling with the lock.

09:19: As he's doing that, he drops one of the packages.

09:24: I want everybody to roll a Spot Hidden for me.

09:37: "I rolled a 49."

09:57: "45."

09:58: "65."

10:00: "I rolled an eight."

10:04: "My Spot Hidden is 75, so I'm under."

10:10: Okay, so who succeeded then?

10:13: Donovan and Seth open.

10:18: Also, those of you who succeeded — check the box next to that skill.

10:31: You notice something drop from the package.

10:42: Dr. Simeon and Tallahassee — while Dom is going back to the pitcher to fill up more water — you two are locked on Mr. Corbitt as he drops the package.

10:55: The wrapping opens slightly.

11:17: And it looks like what you swear is a human hand.

11:22: "I swear that looks like a human hand."

11:25: "That looks like a human hand to me."

11:27: Mr. Corbitt scrambles down, grabs the package, wraps it back up, gets his lock open, and quickly goes inside.

11:35: The door shuts.

11:38: "That's suspicious."

11:41: "This reminds me of the book that I wrote."

11:47: "What, a man carrying packages dropped one and a hand fell out?"

11:48: (laughter)

11:54: "It's called The Battle of Little Big Horn."

12:13: "So what do you guys do?"

12:30: "I want to go into the guy's house and investigate."

12:34: "You still want him to his own house?"

12:36: "We're gonna break in while he's going in there?"

12:42: "I thought we were like — hey Dom — maybe while you're in getting some water you can bake some cookies and we'll take them over."

12:52: "Well let's persuade him to talk to us then."

12:54: "Great persuasion."

13:02: "I'm gonna make some cookies."

13:14: "I'm gonna look in his cookbooks — library use."

13:26: Apparently Dom doesn't know how to bake.

13:30: Dom completely misunderstands the cookbook and ends up making some kind of blackened blobs.

13:49: "I made you some treats."

13:52: "It's delicious."

14:00: Over the next 15–20 minutes, while Dom is inside making cookies, what is everyone else doing?

14:32: "Why don't we just linger in the middle of the street and look through his windows?"

14:52: "How about we knock on his door first?"

15:07: "I would never just peek."

15:15: Major Bakersfield, can you stop mowing your lawn now?

15:19: Roll another Spot Hidden.

15:36: Major Bakersfield fails.

15:44: Roll Psychology or Listen.

15:56: Major Bakersfield succeeds on Psychology.

16:31: Looking over, you notice Tallahassee and Dr. Simeon staring at Mr. Corbitt's house and talking quietly.

16:54: They begin walking toward the house.

17:03: "What do you think you're doing?"

17:05: "We're going to introduce ourselves to Mr. Corbitt."

17:17: "I'm in. I'm coming with."

18:01: Meanwhile, Dom is still making cookies.

18:23: He brings out a tray of gooey dough that hasn't actually baked yet.

18:47: There's a carrot hanging out of one.

18:59: "Oh, these are cookies."

19:03: "They're crumpets."

19:26: "It is the national game of England."

19:30: (laughter)

19:35: You arrive at Mr. Corbitt's house.

19:46: It's a nice two-story white house with a few steps leading up to a small porch.

20:01: There's a decorative lattice awning above the front door.

20:03: You knock.

20:12: You hear footsteps inside.

20:21: The door opens slightly.

20:24: Bernard Corbitt peers out at you.