611: The Bonnaroo House

Synopsis

As the vagrant falls, split by the Axe Man's blow, the lights flicker and the iron spike of the horse head bobs into view around the office doorframe while the axe is wrenched out of the floor. Major Bakersfield slams the office door and topples furniture against it, and everyone scrambles up the ladder into the observatory. The rotten, rain-soaked floor gives way: Tallahassee's foot punches through and the boards crack under Devin Black. Dr. Shrimp Puerto Rico checks the open shutters, but they only lead to a ledge and a long drop. The group decides to play "whack-a-mole" from above with their guns. The Major's critical success on his dexterity roll earns him a bump to his Dodge.

The Axe Man smashes through the barricade and fills the office below, so tall that his spike nearly scrapes the ceiling. His wounds from the night before have healed, but the horse head sewn onto his shoulders is a different horse from the one they blew apart, with different coloring. Tallahassee fires down through the hole his foot made and hits twice, once with an extreme, impaling success. As the monster heads for the ladder, Jameson fires both barrels of his shotgun into the horse's face, blowing away its brain, and the Axe Man collapses and lies still.

The investigators race down the ladder past him. Tallahassee slides down first, and Shrimp lands on his diamond-hard shoulders. Jameson presses the shotgun to the horse's neck, where the man's real head lies, and fires both barrels again, leaving a sludgy, half-ruined face. The Major's leg punches through the observatory floor, but he wrenches it free in time. Racing out past the halves of Hibbidoe and the remains of his companion, Tallahassee brings up the rear and sees the goo beginning to knit back together and a hand twitching. He empties three more revolver shots into the re-forming face, which slows the healing but doesn't stop it.

They burst out into the rainy night, but their cabs are gone. Running toward busy St. Charles Avenue, with Shrimp on Tallahassee's shoulders waving his arms, they flag down a single cab and pile in. As it pulls away, they see the doors of the Meridian House slam open behind them, and they tell the driver to go.

Funny Moments

• The group's plan against an unkillable monster is "whack-a-mole."
• Asked whether the Axe Man has a brand-new horse head, the players suggest he must go horse-shopping after every fight.
• Jameson "forcefully shrinks" the Axe Man's head with a point-blank double-barrel blast.
• Shrimp waves for a cab from Tallahassee's shoulders: "Am I good enough, or do you need three more cabs?"

Notable Quotes

• "I think we'll play whack-a-mole." —Jameson
• "Run for it, fellas!" —Tallahassee Turner
• "Just drive. Go, go, go." —Major Bakersfield