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613: The Gear Up

From Split LongWays

Synopsis

As gunfire and screams rise from the lobby of the police station, Inspector LaGrasse draws his revolver and heads downstairs with the other detectives. He tells the investigators to take the fire escape to the back entrance and get to the basement evidence room. Jameson advises him to shoot the Axe Man where the horse's neck is, since that's where the real head is. On the way down the fire escape, Tallahassee slides down the ladder with Dr. Shrimp Puerto Rico on his shoulders. One-handed Devin Black loses his grip and falls on top of them, and Jameson and Major Bakersfield land on the pile. The investigators begin to suspect that the Axe Man can track them, perhaps through Devin's severed hand.

They go in through the holding cells, where frantic drunks cheer from the tank. Shrimp and Devin head down to the evidence room while Tallahassee, Jameson and the Major charge toward the lobby. It's a slaughterhouse: blood and bodies everywhere, and the Axe Man standing in the middle of it, gripping his axe with one huge hand and one much smaller one. His shredded horse head, still bearing its horn, flops over normal-sized eyes peering out from beneath, and sludgy fluid oozes like molasses from his many bullet holes.

  • Jameson fires both barrels into his center mass for 31 damage, and for the first time the Axe Man staggers.
  • Tallahassee steps in front of Jameson ("There will be no plowing!") and takes a full axe blow to the chest. His diamond skin holds, but the blow knocks the wind out of him and the police are amazed.
  • Tallahassee fans the hammer of his Colt; the third shot hits hard, and the Axe Man leans on his axe to keep from falling.
  • The Major throws his net, Old Reliable. It catches on the spinning ceiling fan and hauls the Axe Man up into the air, tangled and swinging his axe in circles.

In the basement, Devin hurls Shrimp through the small window of the locked evidence cage. Shrimp finds the keys and lets Devin in, and working in perfect sync they find the idol on a back shelf, tagged with its case number, along with a related scrap of parchment covered in occult writing. Shrimp has an unsettling spell looking at the idol until Devin slaps him out of it. The group regroups, ducks past the Axe Man's rhythmic swings as he dangles from the fan, and flees into the street as LaGrasse and the police keep fighting. Looking back, they see the station wrapped in a torn net.

The group debates the two rituals and decides to perform the easier Cthulhu ritual first, now that they have the idol. They may attempt the Rite of the Turned Key later, after dealing with Corbitt and the Axe Man. They pick up Necronomidog, hobbling but in good spirits, and return around 8 p.m. to the Hotel Couronne Creuse, still under police guard. There Ricky Dubois is waiting with a crate of supplies.

They gear up:

  • The Major takes his Enfield rifle, his Colt, his trench knife, a backup net and three sticks of dynamite.
  • Jameson takes his shotgun and his 1911.
  • Shrimp takes two revolvers, a shotgun, his chemistry kit and his suture kit. While everyone was talking to LaGrasse, he quietly filed the paperwork to make Dr. Shrimp Puerto Rico his legal name.

Ricky knows someone who can take them into the bayou at night, and he directs the cab to the Canal Street ferry. As discordant jazz drifts through the night, they cross the Mississippi. Tallahassee expects to become a hero again.

Funny Moments

  • The fire-escape "squee": Tallahassee and Shrimp slide down the ladder together, Devin can't hold on with one hand, and everyone ends up in a pile.
  • The Major adds Tallahassee Turner and Shrimp Puerto Rico to his list, right under Corbitt.
  • The Major's net catches on the ceiling fan, leaving the Axe Man spinning overhead: "I'm not a fan of you."
  • Tallahassee fans his revolver at the Axe Man's horse head: "It's time to make some glue."
  • Devin squeezes Shrimp through the evidence-cage window like a fastball special.
  • Shrimp makes his name legally Dr. Shrimp Puerto Rico.

Notable Quotes

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