313: The Arrival

Synopsis

The episode picks up where 312: Edge of Sharkness left off. Inside Denny's, the shouts from town have turned into screams of terror when Percy calls from the roof that the creatures are coming and are going for the beef. Dom passes a Stealth roll and creeps around the south side of the building with the flamethrower. Down the burning street he sees at least a dozen headless, long-limbed creatures, maybe two dozen, and some of them are so huge that their shoulders scrape the eaves of the buildings. They follow Dr. Simeon's beef trail to the first booby-trapped vehicle, and Percy wounds one of the larger ones with a rifle shot. One of the big creatures is already missing an arm, which looks as if it was blown off in an earlier explosion. On Percy's call, Tallahassee lights the first fuse. The explosion throws the vehicle into the air and blows several creatures to pieces. More keep coming.

Dom passes a Spot Hidden and sees headlights and a honking truck approaching from the east. He also spots a fully grown adult creature, ten to twelve feet tall, charging from the north. He spends 51 Luck to hit with the flamethrower, but the others talk him out of it for fear of setting Denny's on fire, so he takes the miss. The burst of flame still makes the creature hesitate. Dom falls back to the door, takes a knee and spends Luck to land all three shots from his M1911. He shoots out both of the creature's eyes and then, remembering Percival's anatomy lesson, puts a third round into its smooth underside, and its insides pour out into the fire. Billy finishes it off by ramming it with the truck and crushing it against the side of Denny's. Percy reports that the creatures are avoiding the second trap and circling the building, then comes running in from the roof. Billy hurries Delilah and Zachary inside, and the prisoner Ike Watson is dragged in as well. Billy gains 4 POW. As creatures pound on the door and walls from every side, Tallahassee orders everyone to open fire, and Denny's erupts in gunfire.

At Grant Jameson's cabin, Major Bakersfield decides to make a break for Percival's car and hands Jameson a stick of dynamite. As the two remaining creatures charge, Jameson fumbles the throw and drops the lit stick in the grass. Bakersfield throws the car into reverse, but the creatures run past the dynamite just as it explodes. The blast hurls them onto the hood and blows out the windshield. Bakersfield passes his CON roll and stays conscious, but a shard of glass goes into his left eye and blinds it. He still passes a Drive Auto roll with a penalty die to keep the car on the road. He shoots the creature on the hood three times in the mouth, then drives forward over the other one. When the survivor reaches through the side window, Bakersfield pins its arm against the frame with a hard success and fires blindly out of the window until it goes limp. Both front tires are blown out. As one creature crawls back toward his leg, the steed Slotty Botfast, summoned in 311: Beefing the Defenses, drops out of the sky and crushes it. Bakersfield commands the insectoid winged beast to fly him and Jameson back to New Jerusalem. It agrees to take them south but cannot stay until dawn, and the two men climb aboard and take off.

Funny Moments

• The Keeper's "booby trap" becomes "movie, movie, movie" and "beefed up booby trap," and Dr. Simeon declares that he has proved his mother wrong "by beefing all over this town."
• Dom spends 51 Luck to land the flamethrower, only for the table to talk him out of it.
• Dom's last shot leaves the adult creature with a "sphincter-shaped hole" and the scent of "sweet, sweet American barbecue."
• The Keeper announces that Jameson's dynamite throw is a success, then admits that he is joking.
• Dr. Simeon tries to argue for a "smoothie shield" against the blast damage.
• As the glass flies into the Major's eye, the Keeper narrates "This is how I become Big Boss."
• Someone suggests turning on the windshield wipers against the creature on the hood.
• Bakersfield boasts "Who needs Slotty Botfast?" just before the steed falls out of the sky to save him.

Notable Quotes

• "They're going for the beef. They're going for the beef." —Percival Warthrop
• "My favorite thing about America is the barbecue." —Dom Druncard
• "Time to give you a butthole." —Dom Druncard
• "Alright, I think everybody needs to just open fire." —Tallahassee Turner
• "I think we're gonna have to risk it for the Triscuit." —Major Bakersfield
• "I dropped the dynamite." —Grant Jameson
• "Jam on, Jameson." —Major Bakersfield
• "Jam on, Major." —Grant Jameson
• "Fly the two of us back to New Jerusalem and keep me in the air until dawn." —Major Bakersfield