Simeon Kantstandyerbitz: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 10:14, 27 October 2026

A psychologist who works at the Miskatonic University with Dr. Shrimp Puerto Rico. Rescued his brother Timeon Kantstandyerbitz from a parallel universe in Keeper of the Ways. Murdered Mitch Larsen in The Hollows.

Psychology is a soft science. Everybody knows that.

In Mister Corbitt he is known as Dr. Simeon (also spelled Cantstandya in the episode synopses), a neighbor of Bernard Corbitt whose house is the investigators' usual meeting point. He lives with his wife, Mary Beth. Obsessed with the supernatural since seeing his younger brother vanish into a mirror, he is the investigators' scientist and its most reckless experimenter.

Season 1: Mister Corbitt

101: It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Simeon is at the gathering at Tallahassee Turner's house, and he and Tallahassee see what looks like a human hand when Corbitt drops one of his packages.

102: Neighborhood Watch

The night surveillance begins at his house. He vaults the fence with surprising athleticism, hides in Corbitt's greenhouse when the light comes on, and finds numerous exotic plants not native to the region.

103: Usual Suspects

He and Major Bakersfield go back into Corbitt's yard and into the house. They are caught on the staircase by a police officer and arrested with the others. The detectives also question Simeon at the station.

104: Attic Window

He hosts the group in his home. After the bone cannot be identified by repeated biology rolls and a long search of his library, he and Bakersfield take it to Dr. Puerto Rico at Miskatonic University.

105: Radical Medicine

He goes with Bakersfield to the army surplus store. When they find Tallahassee wandering naked under Corbitt's influence, he distracts him with a bizarre seductive dance while Bakersfield deploys the net. He is a shirtless man in suspenders in Tallahassee's hazy memories.

106: The Miskatonic Mangler

When the others bring back the occult book True Magic and a vial of neon-purple liquid from Tomaszewski's apartment, Simeon drinks the remaining liquid himself. It sends him to an alien astral realm of blasted landscape, multiple moons, jagged crystal growths and rose-colored lightning, where merely being there costs him Sanity and permanently increases his Cthulhu Mythos knowledge. True to form, he studies it, and pees on the crystals to see what happens. A towering spider-like monster charges him, impales him through the shoulder, and he escapes only by spending luck and stabbing it in the face with a jagged crystal shard. The episode ends with the creature leaping down on him.

107: Fates and Retribution

Back in the real world, invisible puncture wounds tear open his body and his shoulder dislocates. In the vision he stabs the creature in the eye and is pulled back into his body just before a fatal strike. He wakes on his kitchen floor with his wife entering the room to find him in a pool of blood. He is taken to the hospital with a separated shoulder and several stab wounds, and his arm is in a sling for about six weeks. The next morning he calls Dr. Gutierrez about the bone and the vial. Asked why he drank it, he says it was for science, and he tells the group why he is driven: when his younger brother was thirteen, he saw a flash of grayish-purple light from the mirror his brother was looking in and the boy was sucked in, and has not been seen since. (His brother is Timeon Kantstandyerbitz.) He proposes making Corbitt drink the vial. His wife, once told the whole story, becomes enthusiastic about the cause, and the group settles on breaking in once Corbitt leaves the house.

108: Head of the Beast

Simeon does not appear in the episode proper; he is credited in the introduction only.

109: For Whom the Dice Rolls

Simeon rides with Billy to bring the handcuffed Corbitt back to the house. In the basement, he is hit with a bout of temporary madness at the sight of the creature, and flees into the lab to smash the lights and cower in the dark, saying that "there is only safety in the dark". He recovers once the creature is dead. In the epilogue he returns to his wife with new affection and respect, and a badly shaken mind, needing time to recover from learning how much stranger reality is than he had imagined.

Notable quotes

"I'm not a psychologist tonight."
"No psychologists were injured in the recording of this episode."

In 203: A Night With No Moon he runs past the dead light in the cottage hallway, spending Luck on a Dodge against two tendrils that scorch the wall behind him. He then goes to the truck for dynamite and Dom's liquor to make a Molotov cocktail.

In 204: Night of the Living Dead Light he lights a Molotov cocktail in the back of the truck and takes two tendril hits from the dead light, which leaves him at two hit points until a lightning strike drives the light into the woods. At the cafe he demands to talk to Mary and later reads Jake with a psychology roll, finding that he is simply terrified.

In 205: Lights Out he stays behind in a booth at the cafe, tending to his wounds at two hit points, while the others go to the gas station.

In 301: No Rest for the Wicked he first suggests that the group take time to recover, but after the Major's story he rallies Tallahassee, asking whether he wants to live his adventures or just write about them, and vows to go forward whatever it takes. The Keeper notes that he may be able to treat Tallahassee's indefinite insanity with psychoanalysis.

In 302: The Huggening he repeatedly climbs out of the truck to use his Psychology on Mayor Jedediah Marsh and senses that the Mayor is hiding something, which leads the others to suggest that he be renamed "can't stay in the car." He stays at the Shofar newspaper office with Tallahassee to search the archives for missing persons reports.

In 303: The Grand Slam he searches the Shofar's archives and finds a June 27th, 1925 article about a "phantom fire" near the cemetery. His attempt to psychoanalyze the panicking Tallahassee fails with a roll of 92, and after seeing the photographs he loses 4 Sanity. He opens the door of Mordecai Shep's shack, reads aloud two of Corbitt's letters, concludes that Corbitt and Mordecai built a laboratory and practiced necromancy, and finally succeeds at a Spot Hidden in the tavern.

In 304: Pet, Cemetery his Psychology roll reveals that Percival Warthrop is lying when he claims to know nothing about monstrumology, and he later asks Percival whether he is thirsty for violence. At breakfast he chats up the widow Delilah Bevins, who tells him about her missing friend Hannah Russell, and he trades insults with her son Zachary, who calls psychology a soft science. When a hanged cat is found in the truck, he admits that he dreamed of a dead cat in the truck that spoke the word "Carcosa." At the cemetery, he makes a hard success on a Spot Hidden and finds smoke streaks around the door of J.G. Faust's tomb.

In 305: The Shining... Skin he translates the Latin inscription on J.G. Faust's tomb and presses in the words "as above, so below" to help open it. In the laboratory below, a hard success on Psychoanalysis brings Tallahassee Turner out of his hallucination, but he cannot identify the squid-headed symbol on the dog tag found among the bodies.

In 306: Cellar Door he helps sift the burned papers from the laboratory on the drive to the Russell farm. He suggests staying in the truck with Billy McConnell and Percival Warthrop to keep researching, and he hands out the anatomy sketch, the symbol fragment and the parthenogenesis projection while the others search the farm.

In 307: Smooth Criminal he races Billy McConnell to the barn when the shots ring out. He studies the burned fragment and recognizes its symbols as binding runes, which Major Bakersfield confirms. He then helps Percival Warthrop with the autopsy.

In 308: Infestation he studies Corbitt's notes on the drive. Outside the Motley Hill Sanatorium he calculates that the creatures have likely multiplied to about 43: four adults, around twenty adolescents and roughly nineteen infants. During the escape from the basement, he hurls a Molotov cocktail perfectly onto the lead creature, setting it ablaze and driving the others back.

In 309: Boom Goes the Dynamite he insists that the group warn New Jerusalem before nightfall. In the town square he dumps the infant creature's corpse on the cobblestones, shows off its teeth, and gives Ish Graves a tooth to use as proof. He then begins casting his summoning spell.

In 310: Salem's Lot he persuades the town butcher to help him lay a trail of meat and blood through the square toward Denny's to draw the creatures in.

In 311: Beefing the Defenses he overhears Goodman Gray arranging the mayor's death. With Percival Warthrop and Dom providing a distraction, he casts a command spell for the first time and forces the mayor to name who has been paying him.

In 312: Edge of Sharkness he takes up a rifle position at one of the gun holes in Denny's.

In 313: The Arrival his beef trail draws the creatures onto the first booby trap, and he mans a gun hole at Denny's while objecting that the flamethrower will burn the building down.

In 314: The Siege he knocks an adult creature unconscious with Smiting Blast of the Foul One from the window of Denny's Tavern, helps Billy McConnell drag Ike Watson toward the stairs and casts Command on one of the creatures inside.

In 315: Legends Never Die he fails to seize control of the alpha through Corbitt's runes, then casts Command on Billy McConnell and pushes the spell through Billy's will to break his panic.

In 316: The Last Stand he helps Billy McConnell carry Ike Watson out of the collapsing tavern, directs the controlled alpha toward the dead light and retrieves the silver coffer.

In 401: Static Prevails he wakes from a nightmare of crystal pillars and a giant spider creature to a call from Billy McConnell at about 3 a.m. At the Riverview Apartments he follows a low static hiss to the freezer of a dead man's apartment, pulls out a small cordless radio that is still hissing, and finds a pawn receipt for "John Johnson" stuck to its back. The Keeper also says that his brother Timeon is now home safe.

In 402: Criminal Energy he throws a paving stone through the front glass door of the Pawn and Prawns after the group wastes time arguing over the barred back windows. At the diner he sees a dark figure over his left shoulder as he opens the stolen ledger, but it vanishes when he turns and no one else saw it. By spending Luck on a Library Use roll, he finds John Johnson's November 18, 1925 entry in the ledger, and he says that the lack of blood and the decomposition make the medical examiner's opinion worth hearing.

In 403: I Will Steal You Back he casts Command on the unconscious Tallahassee at the diner and again at the medical examiner's, spending a magic point and a point of sanity, but nothing happens either time. He rides with Billy to Miskatonic and asks Dr. Jared Sylvester whether there were prawns in the dead man's stomach. He also argues that the empty caffeine bottle means the man was not sleeping, which he says is obviously supernatural. As the group carries Tallahassee out, he glimpses a dark figure at the edge of his vision that vanishes when he turns.

In 404: Episode IV he copies Billy's calm focus and casts Command on the unconscious Tallahassee, winning the contested roll, and his voice reaches Tallahassee in the other world. Back in the car he says that he has met Runch before and asks about Dr. Doyle's records, learning that Doyle was the hospital's administrator and is dead. He counts three similar cases, John Johnson, Doyle and Mrs. Bakersfield, and warns that the group should be careful with anyone who knows about the ferryman, since there is clearly a connection to "the soy sauce."

In 405: Be Sensible he goes with Billy and Tallahassee to the Arkham police station, and the Keeper has him roll Spot Hidden as a radio somewhere in the station fills with static. Billy sends him and Tallahassee to wait outside, and he is let in through a side entrance to help search the records room, where the three of them roll Library Use together with two bonus dice and land a hard success.

In 406: Pain he searches the police records with Billy and Tallahassee until the three find a fingerprint match, and leaves by the side door. At Pizza Dragons the Keeper has him roll a d10 for something forgotten earlier, and he rolls Psychology while Dom and the Major describe their visit to Raymond Goddard's house; the Keeper tells him that everything Dom says is the honest truth. When the group splits up he chooses to go with Billy to the hospital, saying it is a safer bet for him. There he introduces himself to Nurse Witherspoon as Billy's psychologist, asks about her relationship with Dr. Doyle, smooths over Billy's remarks, and wins a hard Persuade to get her to let them search Dr. Doyle's office.

In 407: Coffee & Cigarettes he searches Dr. Doyle's office at Arkham Hospital with Billy while Nurse Witherspoon is out of the room. He rolls a 01 on Spot Hidden, which the Keeper rules a success, and twice glimpses a shadowy figure at the edge of his sight while the radio in Billy's pocket plays static. He tells Billy that he heard the voice on the radio and saw the figure moving toward him, and wonders whether whatever it is can travel unseen or through some other dimension. He memorizes the addresses on a stamped paper from the stack of employee forms, then helps question Nurse Witherspoon about Dr. Doyle's book on hauntings.

In 408: In the Same Room he and Billy are walking through the hospital's reception area when he overhears Detective Crane tell the elder Mr. Goddard that he is back here. After a failed disguise roll, he walks into Raymond Goddard's room with a clipboard as the staff psychologist and gets past the nurse with a successful roll. He examines Raymond, who rants about a shadow and the radios, and tells him that, as a psychologist, he would say that Raymond does need a shrink. When the radio flares up he tells the elder Mr. Goddard that this is beyond his skill set, then sees the figure of a shadow next to Raymond's head and asks whether his Smiting Blast of the Foul One would work on a spirit. He tells Billy exactly where it is, right above Raymond's head, and watches as Raymond is stabbed by unseen wounds. After he and Billy slip out in the commotion, both fail their sanity rolls and sit down in the reception chairs in shock.

In 410: Just Watch the Fireworks he is found at his desk in his study with a glass of water, staring into it, until the others arrive. He and Billy then recall that the last thing they remember is Raymond Goddard being stabbed by an invisible attacker at the hospital, followed by missing time. He tells the others that the stab wounds look just like his own and suggests visiting Randolph Tomaszewski in Arkham. When Dom shows him Harman Vance's ID photo, he recognizes the man from his dream that morning, runs upstairs and finds his wife Mary Beth asleep and unwakeable. He loses 1 sanity, tries his Command of the Wizard on her without success, and finally asks Billy to put him to sleep so that he can reach Soyland through his dream as he did that morning. He tells Billy "I wasn't gonna resist you anyways" and falls into a very deep sleep when Billy casts Command of the Wizard on him.

@@ Line 79: / Line 79: @@
 In [[316: The Last Stand]] he helps Billy McConnell carry Ike Watson out of the collapsing tavern, directs the controlled alpha toward the dead light and retrieves the silver coffer.
+In [[401: Static Prevails]] he wakes from a nightmare of crystal pillars and a giant spider creature to a call from Billy McConnell at about 3 a.m. At the Riverview Apartments he follows a low static hiss to the freezer of a dead man's apartment, pulls out a small cordless radio that is still hissing, and finds a pawn receipt for "John Johnson" stuck to its back. The Keeper also says that his brother [[Timeon Kantstandyerbitz|Timeon]] is now home safe.
+In [[402: Criminal Energy]] he throws a paving stone through the front glass door of the Pawn and Prawns after the group wastes time arguing over the barred back windows. At the diner he sees a dark figure over his left shoulder as he opens the stolen ledger, but it vanishes when he turns and no one else saw it. By spending Luck on a Library Use roll, he finds John Johnson's November 18, 1925 entry in the ledger, and he says that the lack of blood and the decomposition make the medical examiner's opinion worth hearing.
+In [[403: I Will Steal You Back]] he casts Command on the unconscious Tallahassee at the diner and again at the medical examiner's, spending a magic point and a point of sanity, but nothing happens either time. He rides with Billy to Miskatonic and asks Dr. Jared Sylvester whether there were prawns in the dead man's stomach. He also argues that the empty caffeine bottle means the man was not sleeping, which he says is obviously supernatural. As the group carries Tallahassee out, he glimpses a dark figure at the edge of his vision that vanishes when he turns.
+In [[404: Episode IV]] he copies Billy's calm focus and casts Command on the unconscious Tallahassee, winning the contested roll, and his voice reaches Tallahassee in the other world. Back in the car he says that he has met Runch before and asks about Dr. Doyle's records, learning that Doyle was the hospital's administrator and is dead. He counts three similar cases, John Johnson, Doyle and Mrs. Bakersfield, and warns that the group should be careful with anyone who knows about the ferryman, since there is clearly a connection to "the soy sauce."
+In [[405: Be Sensible]] he goes with Billy and Tallahassee to the Arkham police station, and the Keeper has him roll Spot Hidden as a radio somewhere in the station fills with static. Billy sends him and Tallahassee to wait outside, and he is let in through a side entrance to help search the records room, where the three of them roll Library Use together with two bonus dice and land a hard success.
+In [[406: Pain]] he searches the police records with Billy and Tallahassee until the three find a fingerprint match, and leaves by the side door. At Pizza Dragons the Keeper has him roll a d10 for something forgotten earlier, and he rolls Psychology while Dom and the Major describe their visit to [[Raymond Goddard]]'s house; the Keeper tells him that everything Dom says is the honest truth. When the group splits up he chooses to go with Billy to the hospital, saying it is a safer bet for him. There he introduces himself to Nurse Witherspoon as Billy's psychologist, asks about her relationship with Dr. Doyle, smooths over Billy's remarks, and wins a hard Persuade to get her to let them search Dr. Doyle's office.
+In [[407: Coffee & Cigarettes]] he searches Dr. Doyle's office at Arkham Hospital with Billy while Nurse Witherspoon is out of the room. He rolls a 01 on Spot Hidden, which the Keeper rules a success, and twice glimpses a shadowy figure at the edge of his sight while the radio in Billy's pocket plays static. He tells Billy that he heard the voice on the radio and saw the figure moving toward him, and wonders whether whatever it is can travel unseen or through some other dimension. He memorizes the addresses on a stamped paper from the stack of employee forms, then helps question Nurse Witherspoon about Dr. Doyle's book on hauntings.
+In [[408: In the Same Room]] he and Billy are walking through the hospital's reception area when he overhears Detective Crane tell the elder Mr. Goddard that he is back here. After a failed disguise roll, he walks into [[Raymond Goddard]]'s room with a clipboard as the staff psychologist and gets past the nurse with a successful roll. He examines Raymond, who rants about a shadow and the radios, and tells him that, as a psychologist, he would say that Raymond does need a shrink. When the radio flares up he tells the elder Mr. Goddard that this is beyond his skill set, then sees the figure of a shadow next to Raymond's head and asks whether his Smiting Blast of the Foul One would work on a spirit. He tells Billy exactly where it is, right above Raymond's head, and watches as Raymond is stabbed by unseen wounds. After he and Billy slip out in the commotion, both fail their sanity rolls and sit down in the reception chairs in shock.
+In [[410: Just Watch the Fireworks]] he is found at his desk in his study with a glass of water, staring into it, until the others arrive. He and Billy then recall that the last thing they remember is [[Raymond Goddard]] being stabbed by an invisible attacker at the hospital, followed by missing time. He tells the others that the stab wounds look just like his own and suggests visiting Randolph Tomaszewski in Arkham. When Dom shows him Harman Vance's ID photo, he recognizes the man from his dream that morning, runs upstairs and finds his wife Mary Beth asleep and unwakeable. He loses 1 sanity, tries his Command of the Wizard on her without success, and finally asks Billy to put him to sleep so that he can reach Soyland through his dream as he did that morning. He tells Billy "I wasn't gonna resist you anyways" and falls into a very deep sleep when Billy casts Command of the Wizard on him.
 ==Appearances==
@@ Line 110: / Line 128: @@
 *[[315: Legends Never Die]]
 *[[316: The Last Stand]]
+*[[401: Static Prevails]]
+*[[402: Criminal Energy]]
+*[[403: I Will Steal You Back]]
+*[[404: Episode IV]]
+*[[405: Be Sensible]]
+*[[406: Pain]]
+*[[407: Coffee & Cigarettes]]
+*[[408: In the Same Room]]
+*[[410: Just Watch the Fireworks]]